Monday, July 26, 2010

The one where she crawls back... tail between her legs..

I know it has been some time. My excuses of being too busy have been replaced with being too depressed.

About a month ago, I was laid off from my job. I, admittedly, have spent that month eating absolutely anything I could get my fingers on. Not good. I weighed myself this morning and all suspicions have been confirmed... I have to shake myself out of this funk!

I have been moping since the layoff. It doesn't help that my unemployment is MIA and I haven't gotten any nibbles on resumes and applications.

I spent the first week cleaning. The second and third week, I watched TV. Last week, I read. This week? This week it's all about getting it right. I started this weekend eating a bit better... not a lot better.. but a bit. Today? I go back to my healthy foods and exercise. Aside from the health and aesthetic benefits, this will help me get out of the depression that has been plaguing me.

That's really what I have for you so far. I'm going to spend this morning mapping some things out. I'm using an iphone (well, ipod) app to track my calories and exercise, and I'm back on the lemon water.

So, if you're still here.. still with me.. I'm back.. with pancakes!

Friday, May 28, 2010

The one with the weigh in...

Well, it's been 1 week without carbs. You know what that means? That's right... WEIGH IN!!!

*drum roll*

I lost 8.6 pounds! At one point this week, I was down 10 pounds. I don't know what the difference is.. but I'm happy with that loss. Why? Because I lost the wedding weight!

So, we're onto week two. I'm going to be honest with you- I ate an atkins product last night that was for phases 2-4.. but it was good and I don't regret it!

Today, we're having a cookout at work and then there is a BBQ tomorrow. I'm hoping I can resist everything for these 2 days.. but if I can't.. i'll just pick up where i left off and deal with the consequences. Life happens.. as they say...

But here's hoping to being on point!

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

short and [not so] sweet..

Well, hello world!

I don't have a lot to say today. I got a promotion at work, so i'm in "training," but i don't have my own access to the system and my phone isn't working.. so there's that.

The eating has been going well. I definitely feel a ton better than I did this past weekend. Though I do miss my array of foods, I haven't really been plagued with carb cravings. I miss my oatmeal because it was tasty and I can only eat so much meat and eggs in the morning!

Well, that's all.. just wanted to pop in...

Monday, May 24, 2010

The one with the first low carb weekend re-cap..

I took the weekend to not eat carbs. I'm not going to lie, I had a moment of "what the hell am I doing??" on Saturday and almost gave up. But, I've committed to 1 month, so I'm going to give it an honest shot.

Well, my wedding weight is gone. Beyond that, I'll report on Friday.

So, I've been eating mainly meat. It's a lot more meat and a far fewer veggies than I had been eating previously. I'm not used to that. On Friday, we had chicken with cheese and bacon. After that, I was immediately over bacon. J and I ended up having bacon wrapped scallops on Saturday. So far, Sunday's dinner was my favorite- eggplant pizzas.

Now, I loaded my pizza with meat and cheese (sorry.. that's how I've *always* liked my pizza), but it was very delicious! It was a fork and knife kind of pizza, but I'm sure I can fiddle with the recipe and make it more "french bread" like. Basically, you cut an eggplant in half- hollow it out, fill it with toppings/sauce of your choice. What I like about this is I can make it for low carb friends, healthy eating friends, and people that don't care about either of that! The strangest part? I hate eggplant.. but it was gooooood!

Rewind. Saturday was the worst day so far. I really wanted some bread. That's all.. a piece of bread. I felt sick and tired and hated this all. Twon said that 2 or 3 days in I would be very sluggish and it would be the worst.. then I would get over that hump and be okay. I'm hoping that was the hump.. 'cause it sucked. Yesterday, I felt okay.. but I had gone out to lunch with my mom and husband. I had a small cup of chili (which while still low carb.. had more carbs than expected) and seared ahi tuna.. which had a sweet sauce that I had to dab off... so maybe that little bit of sugar made the rest of my day better. Plus the eggplant.

So.. that's about all I have for now. I'm hoping the worst is over.. but I promise to freak out if I need to here :)

Friday, May 21, 2010

The one with no carbs...

Well, it's Friday. My day 1 at low carb. I remember when I was in high school, I tried to do low carb with my mom. I didn't really care about it and did fine, but she couldn't stick to it. As soon as she gave in, I was like, "ok." I dunno.. I've never had an urge to do low carb before. Here's hoping for some stick-to-itiveness.

So, I had a weigh in this morning. I was expecting a 10 pound gain (I've been eating like mad and I assumed between weight and water retention, it'd be there), instead, it was a 6 pound gain. This brings me down 14 total. I expect my first week or 2 to be a big loss if for nothing else than the water that my body is clearly hanging onto (as I'm able to tell by the tightness of my ring). I love my ring. Yes, it's very pretty which I love the most.. but it's a great gauge of sodium and water retention!

So, yeah, 6 pounds I have to lose before I'm back in the real losing-ness.

Breakfast was delicious. An omelet with chicken, cheese, chia seeds, and love. Lunch will be a salad with chicken and feta. I don't have any snacks on hand.. I'll probably pick some up on my break.

Well, I feel good so far. I had my lemon water, I'm drinking iced tea, and I have a healthy plan for the day including many veggies.

Also, I'm back to posting in my other food blog (or will be by mid-day).

That's all I have for today. I'll be back on Monday full of zero sugar crankiness. It'll be awesome!

Thursday, May 20, 2010

The one with[out] all the money..

Growing up is hard to do.

I knew that after getting married J and I would be combining both finances and debt. I was always prepared for this. He has more debt, but much better credit. He also makes about twice what I do. I was prepared for my stuff to be the crutch- that which overwhelmed. I was mistaken.

I guess because of the fact that my credit sucks.. and I've been working on it.. I don't have much in the way of debt. I'm not used to such high monthly payments.

I'm not complaining.. It's just very strange making a budget with someone else.. someone with bills... I'm not used to how this works- his money, my money, our money..

Did I mention growing up is hard?

Tomorrow starts the low carb. It cannot come any sooner! I'm so sick of eating crap- but getting in the last little bits. Fun times.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

The one without the title...

So, I'm reading the Atkins book.. well.. skimming it anyway. It has vegetarian options which makes me giddy! I don't eat much in the way of meat and don't want that to change. Also, I think i'll be able to combine it with WW's Simply Filling plan.. which is, as I understand it, basically low carb/mostly whole lean foods... which will all combine with my efforts of natural eating.

I feel like a freak- combining all of these options. I really don't use sweeteners much, so I'm hoping that this doesn't increase it. Anyway... I'll give the program one month. I'm not taking the month and saying "if I lose [X] pounds, I'll stay on it." What I am saying is that if it works and I find that I'm able to keep it in line with my... what's the word i'm looking for here... preferences? then, I'll continue. If not, I'll go back to healthful eating and counting points.

My dear sweet Twon is going to work with me on it. He's going to talk me through things (I like to talk ad nauseum about things I'm doing) when I need an outlet.. and we'll be able to relent.. and I won't tempt him with pizza and breaded foods.

Well, I'm weighing in on Friday. I expect to have gained 10 pounds because I have been gorging myself.. plus I'm having last hurrahs with carbs (something I've never given up!).. but then the weightloss posts will be more constant. I'll be weighing daily, but I'll announce on Fridays as an official weigh in. I have an app on my iPod touch that will help me track everything.

I'm very scared... nervous... thirstyexcited. This is really supposed to help with PCOS (I tried to link an article.. but there are a ton) and I want to be able to conceive when J and I decide to try to have kids. That is honestly and truly my motivation. Sure, i need to lose weight (which is what I've been doing here all along.. or trying anyway), but my biggest reason was for my future.. not for a bikini.

Ok.. i really need to drink some water.

Monday, May 17, 2010

The one with all the promises..

Welp, I got married. The weather held out wonderfully! It was great to see family and friends and celebrate with everyone!

Our food a the wedding was not the healthiest. J was in charge of ordering it and he ordered for 100 people... we had about 60 (if you include children), so we have so much food left over. I wanted to donate it to a homeless shelter, but J's mom offered to freeze it for us. Though i'm loving the left over buffalo chicken, I'm officially over ziti and chicken parm!

So, I took a break from the diet/weight loss for the wedding- didn't want to stress. I was eating healthy (until this past week) and trying.. but things definitely got out of hand with parties, events, and leftovers. So, I decided to try to combine efforts- I've decided to try a low carb diet combined with whole eating. Low carb is really very good for PCOS (which I have), so I figured might as well give it a shot.

Now, I'm going to start this on Friday, so I have 3 days to get as much information on low carb/healthy eating as possible. I don't eat much meat and don't really want that to change too much. I can replace meals with tofu and eggs. I have my notebook and my pen.. I'm ready to learn!

Anyway, that's all I have for now. I haven't weighed myself... Friday's confession is going to be terrible.. but I'm going to be honest!!

Ok.. I've been out of work for a few days.. I should get back to it.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

we interrupt your regularly scheduled blog.. to bring you this crap..

If you don't know where you're going, any road will take you there ~Cheshire Cat Lewis Carroll's Alice in Wonderland

Sometimes, when you're feeling lost and don't know where your life is heading.. it's unexpectedly the freest time of your life. You can do anything! Pick up and move? Check. Have a tryst with a sexy foreigner? Fine! Big and small decisions that you make because you're feeling lost could be what brings you to your happiness. Maybe you meet that foreigner when you move across the country and fall in love, get married, and get that perfect job that only exists there.

I'm just in one of those moods where I don't feel like talking about myself.. I just feel like thinking. What better place to think than on the internet?

Oh.. p.s. I fixed my hair.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

The one with the unnatural disaster!

I'm getting married in 3 days. I'm pretty excited to be married AND to get all this wedding stuff over with!

I'm a pretty laid back kind of girl. The kind of laid back where I go from a year to planning a wedding.. to a month. The kind of laid back where I'm wearing a bridesmaid's dress instead of a wedding dress. The kind of laid back where I'm just now starting to get groomed for the wedding (I really hate tweezing).

Luckily, I had some foresight.

It had been months since I last colored my hair. My roots were looooong. So, I decided to color my hair 1 week before the wedding. I used a color I've used many many times. So, I plop it on my head.. let it sit.. then wash it of. The following is an accurate* account of what happened:
Me: "OH MY GOD!!!!"
Jon: "What??"
M: "Come here! Now!"
J: opens the door, I'm in the shower "What's up?"
M: "MY HAIR IS GREY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
J: "What?"
M: "My hair!!! It's grey!! It is a blue grey silver! I can't believe this!!"
J: "What can I do?"
M: "Go to the store and buy me dark brown hair dye!"
J: "What?"
M: "Hair dye! Now! 2 Boxes!!"
J: "huh?"
M: "I can't believe this is happening!"
J: "Why don't you wash the color out and dry it and see how it looks"
M: "fine."

Fast forward to when my hair is dry. The roots.. blonde. The rest? White with a tint of silver. 1 week before my wedding! Even re-writing that I am filled with anxiety. Sure, I've had bad dye jobs, but when I'm blonde, it's pretty simple and straight-forward. This, was unexpected.

I was up today at 5am to try to fix it. I've blended it better, but it's still silver. Here are my options- Go brown and hope that it covers the silver and doesn't turn the color of brass.. lighten the top and make it look more blendy.. say "eff it" and just not care.

I've decided a combination of the last two. The idea that the brown could turn on me as well is scary. I will try to lighten the top and see if that does anything. If it does not.. I'm not going to worry about it. It happened, my photographer can fix it in photoshop. I'm getting married.. and in 5 days, I'll not have to worry about anything.. 'cause all I'll have is the memory and my husband.

But I'm still freaking out a little... I can't wait to go back to talking about diet and the gym!

Monday, May 10, 2010

The one with all the terrible food...

It's pretty interesting to feel the difference in your body when you eat different things.

This past weekend, I ended up throwing all food rules out of the window (but still managed to drink my lemon water every morning!) I knew it was going to happen- my bach party was Saturday and Mother's Day Sunday. But.. let's evaluate the damage, shall we? What's a confession without actually confessing anything?

Friday: This day started with the best of intentions. I ate my breakfast for lunch and went for a walk. Then... it hit me! I was HUNGRY! So I ordered a grilled cheese. When I got home, I was in one crappy mood. Some things happened that made it worse. Anthony came over and I decided to eat my mood away. Whenever I do this, it's always a conscious decision. The only time I'm an emotional eater is when I'm pissed off. It's strange.. but I recognize it.
Saturday: I ended up skipping breakfast. Lunch was ok.. left over turkey burgers. Then... dinner. We drank a bit before going out.. then our des driver came and took us to Sonic in Peabody. I ate mozzarella sticks, jalapeno poppers, and split a chili cheese tater tot order! Drinking continued. Come 10:30, I was suddenly eating General Gao's chicken.
Sunday: After drinking, i'm one of those people that like to eat a greasy/heavy meal. I ate Anthony's leftover chicken (4 pieces). Then, we had brunch at around 11:30. Eggs, sausage, french toast, fruit.. it was so good (and cooked by the wonderful hubby-to-be). Later, I took a nap, had some toast, then had half a calzone and mozzarella sticks.

Did you even see one vegetable in that list? Well, the turkey burgers had mushrooms.. and the chili had tomatoes... does that count?

So, today, I feel like instead of blood, I have lead. I started my day with an extra large Green Monster, and some oatmeal (which I've barely touched). I expect dinner to be nice and light.

So, there you have it. I went from clean, healthy eating... to diving into a diet that would make most people shudder (as well it should!)

Next week is the wedding. I don't expect to go over the deep end with eating then. My plan of action will be to start both days with lemon water and a green monster. I'll load up on salad/veggis and not drink (save for a toast or two with the new husband!) But, if I eat a plate of lasagna on Friday night, and chicken parm on Saturday.. I'll be okay with that.. because the happiness of the day will be more important than the way my body feels right now.. and I won't regret anything... this I vow. Crap! I have to write vows!!

Thursday, May 6, 2010

The one with the unsolicited advice...

You know that song that goes "Everybody's workin' for the weekend!"?? Well, it's true! Whatever your weekend might be, everybody wants it! This week, I've been talking about
not rushing through life... but as we all know, sometimes it's inevitable (especially when you get to Friday!)

Sometimes, however, your quest for the weekend can turn into a Friday funk! It drags and you feel like you're being held captive! After a conversation with one of the higher-ups at my company, I've decided to write a post full of ideas to get out of a Friday Funk!


  • First, I vote for think positive! It's okay to think about what your plans are for the weekend, but don't be itching to get out. Think more like "XYZ is going to be fun!" not "OMG, I can't wait to get out of this place!!!!!!JOQEFU!!&#@(&#"
  • Take your lunch later if you can. This is something that I find helps me a lot when my day feels like it's going slow. If I take my lunch after 2pm, by the time I get back, my afternoon just flies by!
  • Keep busy! Sometimes I leave tasks I can until Friday. I usually don't get handed any assignments, so I can keep busy with easy but large tasks.
  • Sleep in a little. If you usually wake up early and get to work early (like I do!), I find it helps my day if I come to work on time instead of early.
  • Stop looking at the time! When I worked for the bank, I would cover the time on my computer and phone and just let the day run away.
  • Eat a good breakfast! This sort of goes along with the taking lunch later thing. If you're not starving early, you're not anxiously anticipating lunch!
  • Take all breaks allotted to you! I generally skip non-lunch breaks, but if I allow myself my 2 15 minute breaks, then that's a full 30 minutes less time I have to worry about working! And you can break up your work time into manageable little stints!
  • Duck out 5 minutes early. If you just can't make it to the end of your day.. if you don't do it often and/or won't get in trouble for it... just leave!


Those are some of my ideas. Do you have any of your own?

The one where she talks about patience...

They say patience is a virtue. It's something I've never been very good at. In recent days/weeks/months, I have tried to become more centered. The wedding is challenging my attempts, but I'm still working through it.

Every once in a while, I send J a request via email for help with the wedding. Often times, his answer is "I don't know" or "remind me later." Earlier this week, I asked him for email addresses. He directed me to his mother and ended it there. I had a moment of infuriation. Did his mom have his friends' email addresses? I think not! So, I replied with a very snarky email. Without a response, I wrote back apologizing for my frustration and explaining my point of view. I felt a bit better.

Another example is my driving. Oh, my driving. I speed. I know I do it and I know I should not. I also get impatient with people on the road (but I am not a honker.) The other morning, L and I went to Dunkin Donuts. There was a guy in an SUV that was blocking my way into the parking lot. There were plenty of spaces he just was either not going into one, or waiting for some lady to pull out. I got frustrated. I couldn't go around him- I couldn't even back out. I honked once. I felt frustrated and mean. When he finally pulled into a spot, I pulled into one that had been open the whole time (right in front of the door). We go in, order our tea, and wait. The guy came in and ordered his stuff. The guy looked genuinely nice. He spoke very kindly to the girls behind the counter. He looked jolly. I felt terrible. Maybe he wasn't confident that he could fit into spaces.. I just don't know. But this happened on Tuesday morning and I still feel bad. I'm sure he doesn't even remember.

I find myself reminding myself to be more patient when I drive or am waiting. People who are patient are happier and likely live longer lives. I want to be one of those people.

I've been working on it internally. People I work with have always thought me to be perky and happy, but people that know me understand that I get impatient and fidgety. I would like to move the calm, happy, perky person into my personal/private life.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

The one with all the scratching

Starting the morning off with oatmeal! It's actually very good.. and not hot which I enjoy. It's too filling though! I'll be eating the other half for lunch.. which may be good for my diet.. is not very good for my other blog.

Have I mentioned my itchy chest? For the past 2 weeks or so, my chest has been really very itchy. I've been thinking it's nerves, but sometimes it's so itchy I can't imagine it being in my head! I still keep assuming it's nerves. J, however, is not convinced. He thinks I might be having a food allergy. He made a good argument by pointing out that my eating habits have changed quite a bit in the last couple of weeks. However, he then weakened his argument by saying that my chest was likely the only thing affected because that's where the esophagus travels. Oh, poor J.. even he knew how ridiculous that sounded!

It did get me thinking about what I've been doing for the last two weeks. Is there anything I've been eating regularly? The only think I could come up with is my lemon water. Now, I know I'm not allergic to lemon. I think we all can agree I'm not allergic to water. So could this be the culprit?

After extensive research (one google search, 2 clicks, and 5 minutes) I've decided this could be my body detoxing from all the bad stuff i've been eating all my life. This actually does make complete sense. I've been doing the lemon water for 2 weeks (which is how long I've been itching) and doing the cleaner eating. But why is it lasting so long? Maybe I have reserves of crap in my system? Maybe I'm still eating things that are not that great for me and the body is trying to flush it out? Who knows?

Whatever the reason for the prolonged itching, I will enter my home tonight armed with natural remedies to ease the itching!

Usually, I wouldn't care.. but my wedding dresses have exposed chests and i'd like for it not to be red and splotchy! Oh well.. I have 9 days to get my skin cleared up!

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

The one where she yaks..

I'm not feeling very well today. I drank my green monster, but I wanted oatmeal.. but the overnight oats recipe I have is online and my internet was down all night/morning. Now I keep trying to eat a little and I think it's just making it worse. I actually haven't had much of an appetite for the past few days (since maybe Thursday or Friday).

I lose my appetite for a week or so every other month.. this usually coincides with my period (and on off months, I'm ravenous!) But every once in a while.. every couple of years or so.. I lose my appetite for months. Now, the good thing about that is I tend to lose weight when that happens (woo!) the bad thing is that i don't really eat much and that's not entirely healthy. I'm hoping this one is just for a week.. but I have a feeling it's the long one...

I don't really have much else to say. I took some awesome pictures for my other blog (cleanereating.wordpress.com since my links are all wonky), but my internet is down and I can't post them! Oh well.. tonight.

Monday, May 3, 2010

The one with all the green..

I am a very positive person. I see the silver lining of every cloud and try to see good in every body (though sometimes it's hard). Interestingly enough, I am also very judgmental. Anyone that knows me recognizes that I have issues with the way I am perceived by others. It's one of the biggest things I wish to change about myself. Something I do not want to pass onto my children.

I've been working very hard at changing my attitude and life.

Recently, I stumbled upon a blog called Operation Beautiful. I love the idea behind this and may start leaving my own notes around town.

These changes I'm making in my life are first and foremost for health. Weight loss and beauty are secondary, and I feel very good about that.

Changes I've noticed involve feeling less sluggish and fewer instances of bloat. My skin has been glowy and soft. And my attitude toward food is changing. I'm still not in love with vegetables, but I find myself wanting to eat them.

Yesterday, for instance, I went to TGIFriday's with my mother. I ordered a salmon and rice dish that came with broccoli. I hate broccoli, but the girl said it was the only veggie they had. I had no intention of eating, but after eating most of the salmon and half the rice, I knew I needed to get some veggies in me. I ate the broccoli. Not all of it, mind you, but probably half of it. This is not something I would usually do. Sure, a past incarnation of myself may have tried it, but this was different- I kept coming back for more! I still think the stuff is gross, though.

But today I'm back on the veggie bandwagon. I made a green monster that was very tasty and very simple.. but I'm getting hungry! I need a mid-morning snack...

Friday, April 30, 2010

The one where caffeine made her forget what she wrote...

Good morning! I'm not feeling very well today and I'm not entirely sure what it is. I had a chai tea which may have had too much caffeine for me. I'm kinda flying high. Then again, it could be the green monster I had today, or the chia seeds I added to it. Who knows, really.

I've been blogging my foods in another blog. It's been really fun taking pictures and talking about food! I also like keeping this blog here more about weightloss and life in general. I think eventually the two will merge, but I'm not ready for that yet.

I woke up this morning NOT ready for my day. I could have slept until noon. I don't like this feeling. I really need to start heading back to the gym in the morning. I miss the energy I had from it and need to be less sluggish in the a.m.

The wedding is 2 weeks away and the booked weekends are already starting. I have a bridal shower Saturday, then my mom has asked that she get me for the day on Sunday. I have this feeling that it's more for manual labor than fun wedding stuff, but who knows! Next weekend is supposed to be my bachelorette party.. which is looking more like Anthony and I going out to eat and then getting drunk. If we're able to get more people, then YAY! But honestly, if it's just the two of us.. that would be great, too.

Well, I should get to work. I hope everyone has a good weekend!

Thursday, April 29, 2010

More veggies than you can shake a stick at!

I'm finding that my cravings for greasy foods has been close to non-existent this week. Now, I'm not claiming that the cravings are gone for good, but it's nice to have had the urge.

Just to give you a quick idea of what I've been eating, I'll show you yesterday's food:
- Green monster (1.5 c spinach, 1/2 banana, berries, almond milk)
- some raisins and some almonds (less than a handful combined)
- peanut butter and banana sandwich on multi-grain bread
- a couple more almonds
- a small slice of cheese
- 2 turkey burgers (small. turkey mixed with mushrooms, so only about 5 oz of turkey)
- 1 bun
- olive/fetta topping
- parsnip fries

Not too bad. I guess the turkey burgers look bad, but I split the bun between the two and I mixed mushrooms with the burgers and made them a little smaller. This turned what would usually be four 1/4lb burgers into 8 who knows what size burgers.

A few months ago, I read something about stretching out meat in burgers and tacos. Since then, we have been adding beans to our turkey for the tacos. This was my first attempt at adding the shrooms to the burgers and I have to say, I love it! We couldn't taste a difference, and we both have left overs for today! I think we shall start making this the normal way we make burgers.

It's amazing the changes in food that start as experiments and end up as regular menu items. For example, tofu! J and I are not vegetarians, but we do like tofu and put it on the menu once or twice a week. Also, we don't each much in the way of red meat. When I was with my ex, we had steak and/or burgers twice a week! Even when I lost the 40 pounds with him, I wasn't eating HEALTHY.. just less.

To be honest, I've never really eaten healthfully. I've never liked vegetables. I always preferred my food salty, fried, and/or covered in cheese. Because of this, I thought the cleaner eating would be an uphill battle, but I guess the change is coming at a time where I'm really ready for it.. or at least willing to experiment.

I just ate my mid-morning snack.. almonds and raisins (a new favorite). I have left overs for lunch.. I'm stoked!

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

See? Kids can make things better...

Something I find interesting is how I'm consciously changing behaviors. Not only me, but J as well. As our lives are moving on, we are doing things from eating more veggies to flossing daily. These things that we're doing are for our health and life, but we're setting in motions behaviors we want to pass onto our children. We discuss things in a new light. "We need to get used to XYZ so that we don't do it in front our kids!" These things are commonplace for many people. Everyone should eat well. Everyone should floss daily! But we halfheartedly do it for ourselves. There's always tomorrow!

These are not thoughts we want to pass onto our future children. Even though we have no plans to try to have kids any time soon, we'd like to have these habits become second nature to us sooner rather than later.

It's too bad it takes the idea of kids to whip us into shape.. but seriously, if there are no kids involved... farting is REALLY funny...

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Green Monster RAWR!!!

I freak out about getting older. Kind of, anyway. I look forward to turning 30, but I also have this fear that life is passing me by and I'll accomplish nothing. I'll wake up tomorrow and be 90 and it'll be too late to have kids, get rich, travel, and sky dive. I'm usually pretty good about talking myself out of these fears.

Yesterday, I got home and checked my mail (as I do whenever I get home and J hasn't beat me to it). There was a lot of stuff addressed to me. You'd be amazed at how much mail you get when you get engaged. Luckily, I love mail. One piece of mail I did not love getting yesterday was my application to AARP. Yes.. THAT AARP.

I remember laughing at/with my mom when she got her AARP stuff before her time, but you know what? SHE WASN'T 28!!!!!!! I have 22 years before I'm eligible for AARP! Not that I wouldn't love the discounts. How did they figure I'd be interested? Do they knock on doors and send it out to anyone that is usually in bed by 8:30 pm? WTF?! (how many old people say that?!)

In other news, this morning I had a Green Monster. I used 2 handfuls of raw spinach (like 3 cups!), almond milk, 1/2 a banana and random fruit.



I'm going to be experimenting with this. I really can't wait to try more things!

Monday, April 26, 2010

The one with just another manic Monday..

Well, I'm day whatever into my drinking a glass of lemon water in the morning.. and I feel pretty good! I can't really put my finger on it- energy, cleanliness, hunger? Who knows? But I think I dig it. J's been doing it, too. He seems to like it as well. I'd recommend it to people.

I ate a lot of veggies this weekend- more than I EVER do. Last night's dinner.. well.. didn't work out as planned. I ended up using pasta with the salmon, but felt really guilty about there not being much in the way of veggies! So I threw some spinach and tomatoes in with the pasta. It was pretty tasty, but I'm really trying to limit my intake of pasta.

Exercising just hasn't been happening lately. I'm so tired in the morning and/or just have so much else to do! Get lunch ready, wash my hair, etc. I'm going to have to start getting back to the gym before I lose all motivation.

I suppose that's about it for now. The weekend was pretty relaxing. I got to hang out with a friend of mine that I haven't seen in a while, and got some wedding stuff done. I also made AND DRANK more iced tea than I should have.. but damn.. it's just so good!

Also, my other friend's husband was in a terrible accident this weekend. He's alive and nothing is broken, but he's going to be in the hospital for a while and their car is busted. It makes me sad to see my friends in such pain.. and it really has made me very clingy to J this weekend (like when I told him this morning that he couldn't go to poker tonight because I wanted to hug him when I got home.. yeah.. I'm insane.. and I was kidding.. mostly)

Well, enough of this. Happy Monday, Friends!

Friday, April 23, 2010

High-Fructose Corn Syrup

Since working on clean eating, I haven't had any HFCS. This is a wonderful side effect of clean eating. I never really cared too much about it, but J keeps an eye on his intake because he used to be allergic to it.. and my trusty side kick hates it so much because it's EVERYWHERE and he loves to be a rebel. I started hating it when I found out it was in my pickles. PICKLES!

Well, today, my stomach has been majorly bothering me. I wanted some seltzer to calm it down, but didn't want to wait until I got home, so I went to the vending machine and grabbed a can of Ginger Ale. Now, I love ginger ale.. so good! The front of the can says "Made with real ginger." SWEET! Now, I knew I was going to end up giving up some nutrition in drinking this, but my tummy is bothering me too much. Then, I read the ingredient list:

water, high-fructose corn syrup, citric acid, sodium benzoate, natural flavors, and caramel coloring.

*blink*

Seriously? "Made with real ginger" is exciting enough to put on the front of the can, but it's not prevalent enough to put on the ingredients list? Is it the CAN that's made out of ginger??? First two ingredients are water and HFCS? I'll be drinking sugar water. I know, but it's still gross to think about.

This frustrates me to no end. I have the key to the vending machine since it's broken. I'm putting that can of evil back.

The one where she confesses...

The good: I ate my cereal again but this time added raisins. It was tasty! I had a Healthy Choice for lunch that has no preservatives and lots of veggies. I avoided ordering out and made a healthy chicken tortilla wrap for dinner.
The bad: I used unmeasured processed cheese in my dinner. We didn't really have any veggies with dinner.. other than salsa.
The ugly: OH THE HUMANITY! I ate so much chocolate yesterday it was pretty terrible. I just couldn't stop. My tummy was bothering me after lunch and it was the only thing that was helping! I can't even admit to you how much junk I ate in a 2 hour period.. I'm too ashamed!
The beautiful: I didn't let the ugly break me! I kept dinner healthy and am starting today with great intentions.

I read an article yesterday about starting the morning with lemon water as an alternative to coffee in the morning. Now, I don't drink coffee, but this woman said that she recommends it to all of her clients unless they have an allergy. So, I figured I'd give it a shot. Nothing special to report today. My stomach is a bit icky.. but it has been for a couple of days now, plus I had ibuprofen on an empty stomach so that was questionable. Actually.. one thing I did notice was that I was hungrier for breakfast earlier. So, yeah.. this will be a fun experiment.

I've decided not to weigh myself until after my wedding. That may seem insane, but I really don't want to worry or think about it. I'll continue to work on cleaning up my eating and drink lots and lots of water, but as long as the dress fits, that's all I'll care about!

Annnndddd I think that's all I have for you today. Today's lunch is PB on a pita, some triscuits, almonds, and craisins. Let's hope this all keeps me away from the vending machine.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

HELP!

OMG I can't stop eating crap. Like serious crap. Snickers and other chocolate related items. My belly is icky and it's the only thing I want. It's too late to salvage the day.. but dear god, I have to stop eating NOW!

It's Earth Day!!

The day of clean eating did not kill me. I even kinda liked it! I ended up gorging on some food at the end of the day, but mostly just truscuits and hummus... and chocolate.

Yesterday, I started off much the same. Kashi go lean crunch cereal (super good!), a banana, and I even chose left over chicken and veggies over the Chinese buffet! My day ended up completely stressed and I ended up going out to dinner. I had a long island iced tea and some sliders. So, would I say I ate clean yesterday? No, but I did try and I made some good choices (even choosing the sliders over the mac and cheese!).

Today is another day. I have my cereal that I'm eating now, raisins, and a banana. My lunch is not clean (healthy choice portabella marsala), but there are no preservatives in it and I already had it in my freezer. Tonight's dinner will either be chicken or tofu (depending on if the chicken in thawed, I imagine). Baby steps.

Today is Earth Day! What will you be doing today to help protect the environment? I'm going to look into local farmers markets for my fruits/veggies needs, turning off the light at my desk, and I may buy a reusable cut for my iced teas (I need the straw!)

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

The why...

When I restarted weight watchers, I vowed to not rely on pasta as my side of choice. This was one of the best decisions I made. J and I make more veggies on the side of our meals and I always use whole wheat wraps/pitas if I'm making tacos (which I started adding beans to and am hooked!)

The other thing I promised myself is to listen to my body. I would eat when hungry, stop when full, rest when needed. Though it sounds like a rule to facilitate excuses, I couldn't be happier with this rule. It keeps me from being deprived, Keeps me from burning out, and (most importantly) keeps me from obsessing over food.

These two goals have brought me to today's attempt at clean eating. I've started to like almonds (I was never a nut girl), beans (kinda), and more vegetables. I was never able to kick my red bull habit, but at 20 calories for a big one, I figured it wasn't that bad.

Last week, however, I had a killer migraine. I attributed it to allergies that had been acting up a lot lately. The next day, I felt fine, but ended the day with a headache. Same thing happened on Wednesday. The only thing that I could think of was that my sugar free red bull may have been to blame! So, on Thursday I had no such red bull. I was fine. Friday? No red bull and no headache. It all clicked. Perhaps the stuff that gives me energy is what's hurting! And that was the end of my red bull addiction.

Sunday night I had been out late playing pub trivia at the British Beer Company and was exhausted yesterday at work. One large iced tea down and I needed more. I decided to have a regular red bull. Guess what? No headache. Then i got it. I understood! It was a side effect of aspartame! I had known that Aspartame converts to formaldahyde at high temperatures (a mere 86 degrees!), but figured I really only ever had it in small doses. This stint of headaches was a slap in the face. A wake up call. These wacky chemicals going into my body are doing more harm than good!

So, today's project of eating clean is my attempt at starting to step away from processed foods. I know I won't be able to change overnight (I'm having cake at my wedding dammit!), but if I can succeed with small changes.. if I can get through ONE day of it... I know I can eventually make this my lifestyle......

Monday, April 19, 2010

Ch-ch-ch-changes...

I'm itchy. My chest has been itching me for since about Thursday of last week. I sincerely believe it's nerves.

I'm kinda lost right now with the whole diet/exercise thing. It all seems so big. I'm torn and conflicted regarding what I want. I'm more concerned with health than appearance, but lately the way I've been eating is the opposite of how to achieve either.

I think I need a revamp. I really don't want to go to any extremes and would like to eat -what- I want -when- I want.. but the goal is to not want to, you know?

I'm going to take it one day at a time. I will start tonight by planning for tomorrow. Tomorrow, I will eat a clean and healthy breakfast, a clean and healthy lunch, and a clean and healthy dinner. After that, I'll try again.

I also need to get back to the blog, so I'll update with my progress and planning as time goes on.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Dusting off the old blog...

It's been what? A week? Two? I've been crazy. We moved the date of the wedding up by, oh, a year. We'll be married a year from yesterday.. and celebrating it a year from today.

Well, nothing has gone smoothly. I have no idea what we're doing.. it's becoming bigger than expected and I'm getting zero help from Jon.

On top of that, I just got word that our JOP is not available on the day we're looking anymore. So now we have to find someone else.

My brain just exploded a little.

I'm pretty much just checking in. I haven't logged food in ages and my exercise plan leaves something to be desired. But at least I haven't gone insane.... yet.

Friday, April 2, 2010

This blog took me 3 days to write..

Turning 30 is a strange thing to think about every day. Though this blog has focused mainly on diet and exercise, it's entire purpose is to experience turning 30. Now, I have the goal to lose this weight by my 30th birthday, so it's really the only eventful thing happening until my 30th birthday.. well, that and the wedding.. but whatever.

But it's amazing how time flies. 3 months done with the year and i'm down 20 pounds. I'd like it to be more, sure, but admittedly, I've dicked around a bit. I -am- very happy about it.. and my progress. I'm terrified that I'll screw up and gain it back plus more and have a harder time in a few months, but I'm also making changes in my life that should be preventing that- like cooking eggs instead of grabbing fast food!

Last night, J and I were talking about the wedding. We got to the point where we almost decided to scrap all the plans and elope or have a small party this summer. I'm very conflicted on this. That is what I've always wanted, but with the little planning I've done, I've discovered we could have tons of fun with all of our friends and family there- and it is very important to me that my brother and his family come. On a more selfish note, I also want to lose more weight before we stand up in front of everyone.

I'm torn on the issue. I'd love to get it over with and just be married. I'm a no frills kind of gal and would love a no frills kind of day. However, nothing in our relationship has been "normal".. and it might be nice to have a "normal" wedding. I don't know. Just don't be surprised if you look here one day and the words "yeah, we decided to just get hitched.. so that happened" show up on this blog.

In other news, it's gorgeous out today! It's been nothing but rain and floods for a month week and the sun is finally coming out! This weekend is supposed to be rockstar gorgeous which excites me to no end!

Well, time to get myself back to work....
M

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

A huge sigh of relief...

Well, after a gazillion days, I finally got back to the gym! I used my new Heart Rate Monitor (HRM) and am hooked!

I had always seen people saying "ooh, I use this fancy HRM so i *really* know how much I burn blah blah blah" (bitter? Maybe.) I always used the WW tools and assumed from there. I have to tell you, being able to see my HR without holding onto anything really kept me in the zone I needed to be in. I was like "oh! I don't want to dip below blah blah blah" and would increase my effort! I really liked ending my workout and knowing that I burned 428 calories as opposed to the 127 the machine estimated.

But I feel great. I had trouble getting to sleep last night, but woke up ready for the day at 5:30. Despite the great flood that is occurring in New England. Tomorrow, I'm going to jump back on the running wagon. It's been so long since I've run, I'm kind of scared. =/

Oh well. I suppose that's all I have to say. I have no idea what I'll be making for dinner tonight. Hope I can figure something out.

Calories for day (so far): 428/500
Calories for challenge (so far): 1528/30000

Monday, March 29, 2010

The one where she feels overwhelmed...

Ugh.. I overslept again this morning. I *really* thought it was 5:45.. but no.. it was 6:45. I have to plug in a loud alarm. I'm going to have to ease back in to my c25k!

Yesterday, J and I met up with L for a "hike". It was more of a long walk- 2 hours or so. Unfortunately, I was running on 2 and a half hours of sleep, so I was just about as miserable as I could be.

Also, I picked up a heart rate monitor this weekend. I'm curious to try it out. I'll fiddle with it tonight and do a workout. I really need to get a workout in. And I WILL wake up on time tomorrow! I have to!

J and I set a date for the wedding- April 30,2011. Now, I still have my goal set for November 3,2011.. but I'm really going to have to kick it up a notch to make sure I have as much weight lost as I can by the wedding date. That gives me a year. If I could lose 50 pounds, I'd be happy! Of course... to keep on track with my November goal, I need to lose 61 pounds by then (average of 1.1 pounds per week. EEEK!). Oh well... I wouldn't mind losing 61 pounds instead of 50.

So that's that. I'm feeling very boring lately. For this, I apologize.
M

Friday, March 26, 2010

The one that is 3.8 pounds less than the other one..

So! I reached the -20 mark! I'm down 3.8 pounds this week!

I'm extremely excited because, well, it's 20 pounds gone! But also, I reached the goal I had set for myself (-20 by the end of March).

So, today was my last weekday of not going to the gym. I really miss my workouts. I have to tell you, though, it's really hard to wake up before 6:30 when it's so dark out!

I've joined a challenge on the message boards to earn 300 activity points by Memorial day. This is pretty much 5/day for 60 days. I *should* be able to do this. Eff that... I WILL do this!

So, here is my plan of action: Do 50 minutes at the gym, a 20 minute walk at lunch, and yoga in the p.m.

Ok.. that's not as daunting as I anticipated. We'll give this one a YAY for being fat!

Alright... now I'm just talking crazy!

Happy weekend all!

Thursday, March 25, 2010

"Do this! Don't do that!"

I'm one of the strangest people I know. I can satisfy my my desire for sweets and fatty foods [usually] by just looking at it or smelling it! Here are a couple of examples:

When I went through my last bout of veganism (it happens occasionally for about 6 months or so. I jump to vegan instead of vegetarian because my favorite thing to give up is dairy), I would love to see commercials on TV with pizzas and steaks. T (who was with me on the vagan train) would hate to see them! He would want those things at that moment.. and I saw it more like "ooh, that looks pretty." *shrug* it's kinda weird, I know. That being said, every day at work, I stare at the vending machine for like 5 minutes in the morning and 5 minutes at lunch. I don't know why. I'm not hungry, I don't want anything in there and never get anything.

In my defense, my manager fills it, so it's got some good choices in there and is ever-changing. I like to think that I check it out to scope what I can eat if I get into a food emergency (which is crazy since I have a drawer full of snacks which I never touch). So, yeah... I know that's weird.. but it works for me. Usually I end up craving and splurging on things I don't see regularly- General Gao's chicken (which I'm making on Sunday!) and PB twix. Yum!

Also, I'm impose freakishly stringent and unexplainable rules or limitations on myself. I mean, it makes sense to me.. but you know. Like when I randomly stop eating meat (which, since the last time I did it, I've started to limit my meat intake..) and instead of going vegetarian, I just go vegan in a pretty strict way (which is a lot harder than you think! and why I gave it up last time). I also do things like ban foods I love love love (swiss cake rolls, entimen's chocolate fudge cake) while constantly allowing foods I simply love love (chocolate covered pretzels, cookies).
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Usually, I'm really really good at my personally imposed restrictions (no pizza for a month! the chocolate cake only once every 6-12 months!) and sometimes I've failed before I've even started (hello red bull.. I'm lookin' at you!)

Well, my next project (with no start date as of yet) is to decrease my daily sodium intake for a week. I may start that after easter. I don't know how much sodium is in a hollow chocolate bunny.. but I'm eating an entire one on easter day!

The thoughts just keep skipping around..

I have a photo assignment at work today tomorrow. No idea how much I'll be getting paid for it, but I suppose we'll figure that out before I hand over the photos. Note to self.. ask when they need the pics by...

My clock was all messed up this morning- and I felt like I went to bed at 3am (even though it was totally 10:30), so I missed the gym... AGAIN. I figure I'll let myself miss it tomorrow, too and then jump back in on Monday. I know I should just get back to it today, but I don't go to the gym on the weekends.

My pants are huge on me! I feel like they are someone else's pants. Like the owner is 6 and a half feet tall and two sizes wider than me. I think that means that as soon as I get my tax refund, I need new pants. I'm still too big for most of my work pants.. but too small for the few pairs I have. What the hell did I wear while I was growing?

Tomorrow is weigh in. The peak at the scale is showing a loss. It's probably muscle loss from not going to the gym.. but based on the crap-o-la I've been eating.. I'll take it!

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

The one where he proposes... twice.

I haven't been tracking food since Friday. I haven't exercised since who knows when! I've been a bit under the weather and, well, distracted. Now, I'm back on the wagon. I feel tons better today, though I didn't make it to the gym this a.m. to be on the safe side.

So, when I originally started this blog, it was going to be about my road to 30.. it still is. Instead of just diet, weight loss, and freaking out about my age... it's going to include something I wasn't exactly expecting- freaking out about getting married.

This weekend, in a series of blunders, J proposed. I knew it would happen some day.. I even knew it would be within the year.. but on Sunday, he did it.. accidentally, though it may have been.

Sunday was my father's 79th birthday. He died about 4 years ago, so having it done on his birthday made me very happy.

Anyway, so now I have another reason to get in shape- I don't want to look like a cow in my wedding pictures.

Well, I don't really have anything else to say. I find when I'm not working out.. my content is lacking. At least it's Wednesday!!

Thursday, March 18, 2010

The one whe-

My car won't start.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

The one where she over sleeps..

When I started this journey, I decided to change my life. I knew that to get it to work, I was going to have to change a lot- diet, exercise, food preferences, and state of mind. Well, with the exception of the occasional hiccup, I have the food part down. I'm even starting to eat more veggies more often! As expressed in my last post.. I pretty much have the exercise habit down. Surprisingly enough, the change I have to get used to the most is my state of mind.

I missed the gym this morning. I slept until 6:45 by missing the alarms.. all 3 of them. Now, my initial reaction was guilt. "I can't believe I didn't go to the gym! No matter what time I get home tonight, I HAVE to go to the gym tomorrow morning!" Then, I felt my body. It wasn't sore, but it was heavy. Maybe I over slept because I really needed to sleep. So, I took my guilt and put it away. I'm going out tonight and if I get home too late, I'm giving myself a free pass at the gym as to not fall asleep at my desk (though I will TRY to wake up at 5:30).

At the start of the journey, I promised myself that I would listen to my body. I'd eat when I'm hungry, stop when I'm full, stretch when I needed it, and rest when my body asked for it. It's been a hard concept to wrap my head around. I found myself eating a second helping of chicken last night because I hadn't eaten enough throughout the day and I was hungry.

I've never really cared about myself enough and always burned myself out. This "listening to my body" thing is an effort to keep that from happening. So far? It's working wonders! It keeps me waking up every morning at 5:30 and stops me from ordering junk food every day or week. Knowing I can have anything I want when I really want it.. knowing I can take a day off if I feel I really need it.. it's just so.. I don't know.. liberating?

Today is St. Patrick's Day. Usually this means wearing some form of green- or it did before I got my shamrock tattoo 8 (holy crap!!) years ago. Now I look for something green (I figured as into St. Patty's Day as everyone here is.. they didn't want me wearing my Drunkasaurus green T), deciding on all black.. then flashing my tattoo when confronted. Awesome.

Wow.. THAT certainly wasn't the point. The point is that my work is having an event. The owner of the company is providing food- corned beef and cabbage (bleck!) and desserts (YAY!) for everyone. I'm going to have to balance out what I eat, but dammit! I want cake!!

Alright.. I'm all scatterbrained.. I'll end this here. Henry Rollins tonight!! I'm super stoked!!

M

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

The one in which she rambles about exercise

I feel lucky to enjoy my gym routine. Granted, there is the occasional day where dragging myself out of bed is the last thing I want to go. Usually, that goes away once I'm up. Every once in a while, I have a day like yesterday. I did not want to go to the gym. I did not want to get out of my car once I was there. I did not want to get on the treadmill. I did not want to lift weights. This very much hindered my work out, but I still did it. By the end, I was ecstatic.

This morning was different. I had a goal: c25k week 3 day 1 and 40+ minutes of the bike. So, I walked into the gym and hopped on the tread mill. 5 minute warm up, then 90 seconds of running followed by 90 seconds of walking. Easy. Now for the new thing- 3 minutes of running followed by 3 minutes of walking. Yikes! But I've been building up to this.. no biggie. 90 seconds of running- 90 seconds of walking. Not as easy as the first time.. but better than the 3 minutes! Then, my last burst: 3 minutes of running and 3 minutes of walking. This was harder. Once the first minute came down, I was very much "I CAN DO THIS!".. then the first second after the first minute and I thought, "well, I did skip the last day of week 2.. maybe I should just stop after 90 seconds." Needless to say, I did not. I have to tell you.. it felt great! I was breathing harder and sweating.. but at the end, I wasn't panting and I felt accomplished!

Next, I moved onto the bike. Almost the same story.. at 10 minutes, I told myself I'd stop at 15. At 15- 20. At 20- 30. Once I got to 30 minutes, I knew I had to finish the last 12-13 minutes I had left of the show I was watching. I popped off (covered in sweat), cleaned up, then off i went to work.

I did over an hour of cardio today. This is big for me. I didn't push myself as hard on the bike as I usually do.. but it was level 7 or 8 (I don't remember) and when I would notice myself slacking.. I would pick it up!

Boring boring exercise talk.. I know.. but I read an article today that totally made sense and I figured I'd share. It's about learning to love exercise as a way to a lifestyle change. i really do think that if you're going to go from sedentary to active, you need to start with something you very much enjoy.

Back when I first started exercise, I just popped on the treadmill for 20 minutes and called it a day. I like to walk- always have.. and this was a good segue for me. We got a personal trainer and he showed me the machines that had intimidated me. Well, once I realized how great THAT was, my warm up was the treadmill followed by trying to beat my previous score on weights. It works for me. I'm taking the same approach to running. Being able to see my improvement does amazing things for me. Being able to push myself just a little harder when I don't think I can.. and then succeeding... well.. it's just amazing.

I created a list of goals that I want to post here. I'm pretty open with my weight and it will be up here, but I'm scared that J will start reading this that day.. and I'm just not ready to share the number with him. Though I don't think he would care... part of me just isn't sure. =/

Anyway.. that's all I really wanted to talk about today. Hope I didn't ramble too much...

M

Monday, March 15, 2010

Adjusting the attitude...

Well, I went to the gym this morning. I didn't do much cardio as I left my ipod in my car, but I did do weights. I didn't want to go. I wanted to sleep. I wanted it to be Sunday so I could NOT go to work. It's been raining for days and it's very much a curl up in bed kind of day.

The only exercise I got all weekend was shoveling food into my mouth. I didn't even WANT have the stuff I ate.. I just ate it. I have no one to blame but myself. Now it's time to move on.

I'm using the rain as an excuse not to go to yoga tonight. My driveway floods pretty bad and I'd like to get home while it's light out (instead of 9pm).

I feel like I'm in a limbo right now. I have this goal of losing weight and getting fit, but I keep sabotaging myself. Every week that passes is one less week I have to hit goal. I know I'm making progress- I can feel it in my body.. but the part of me that wants instant satisfaction is feeling defeated. I have a fairly good support system.. but the people that are working with me have nowhere near as much weight to lose as I do. I find myself jealous. J says "wow, 17 pounds! Do you know how amazing that is? If *I* lost 17 pounds I'd be where I want to be!" Oh those words make me want to punch him in the neck. I lost 17 pounds and am just above where I was the last time I lost a good amount of weight. I feel like I'm just starting now.. but I won't get that wonderful week one weight loss.

I just have to keep plugging along. I have to keep being positive and knowing that I am doing things that are good for me.

So, here is my plan of action:
Tonight, I'm going to get all of my stuff together for tomorrow.
Tomorrow, I'm going to wake up early and get to the gym. I'm going to do my c25k followed by my 40 minutes on the bike. That'll be just over 60 minutes of cardio.
Wednesday, I'll go to the gym and do my c25k and weights.
Thursday (depending on when I get home on Wednesday night) I'll hit the gym with 40 or so minutes on the bike.
Friday, I'll hit c25k and weights again.
Saturday AND Sunday, I will work out. It's supposed to be nice this weekend, so maybe I'll hit the park and try my hand at some outside running.

I have to change my attitude today. When I was at the gym this morning, I was crabby for most of my work out.. then I heard my power song. You know that song that makes you say "crap! I need to change" or "I can do this!" As I heard that song playing (Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield), I started to rethink by crabitude (totally a word).

Feel the rain on your skin. No one else can feel it for you..

Only I can lose this weight. Only I can get healthy. Only I can make myself a runner. Only I can make healthy food choices for myself...

Only I can do this. And I WILL do this.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

86 weeks.....

It's amazing the power that a tag in a pair of pants can have. Aside from the fact that said tag is itching the crapola out of me today, it has a number that is mathematically 4 less than the number that was on the pair of pants I wore on Monday. Now, these pants are a little stretchy, so I'm probably down only one size rather than 2.. but it's still an amazing feeling!

Tonight, J is finally cashing in his birthday present from me. We're going to see Garrison Keillor in Providence. I'm really looking forward to it! I can't help but wonder if J and I will be the youngest willing attendees.

You know, my love for NPR is one of those things that makes me feel way older than I am. It's basically the only thing I listen to in the car. Of course, that feeling of oldness is countered by things like my iCarly fandom and wanting a bounce house at my wedding.

These are the things on my mind this morning. Tomorrow morning I shall complete my second week of couch to 5k and prepare for my second to last weekend at my Mom's. From here, I'll leave you with a quote that was on a blog that I read yesterday that I really liked (I run-on sentence like a master!!):

"He who argues for his limitations gets to keep them." ~Richard Bach

M

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

The small of it all..

A few years ago, I read something about how to tell what size frame you have. I don't remember it except that it had something to do with measuring your elbow and that I have a small frame. When I discovered this, it floored me! It probably shouldn't have since my mom's side of the family is all very small, but since I have been overweight for as long as I can remember.. I was surprised. (I guess since I have never SEEN the small frame) So, I found another one yesterday and remeasured myself. Sure enough, my frame is small. This time, however, it encouraged me! Instead of being surprised, I'm excited to see my frame. I'll never be stick thin, but I'll be able to see myself as small.

I'm taking steps in the journey to become and active athletic woman. Instead of sticking with the same old exercises that I've always done, I'm challenging myself to be more! I'm almost done with week 2 of c25k and I feel great. I know I have a long way to go before I go out running for miles and miles.. but I know I can do it! These self challenges are really paying off. I'm losing pounds at a slower rate than I have in the past.. but the physical transformation seems to be occurring faster- and I love it!

So, Jules over at The Bosky Blog is running a points based contest.. and since I'm really bad at communication do not intend on winning.. but I figured I'd give her a shout out anyway. Her blog always inspires me to run. I read about her challenges and her love. Her injuries and her successes. And most importantly... her dog! So, if you're ever wondering what makes me want to keep running.. it's that blog.

Enough of that mushy stuff.. I have actual work to do today (including avoiding the Wednesday Chinese Buffet Event).

Until Next Time..
M

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Fiberlicious!!

Yesterday, I felt like poo. This morning, I feel great! I really need to start balancing out my sleep. Going to bed as early as I did last night (asleep by 9:30) really made the difference. Today, I am awake and energized and ready!

I did my 43 minutes on the bike this morning. Just enough time to watch Psych on my iPod. I have to tell you.. I've really started to look forward to these workouts! It's great as an "off day" kind of thing.. no weights.. no running, plus I get to catch up on TV!

So, I resisted the urge to grab Chinese on my way home last night. Both J and I were home unexpectedly (he does poker on Mondays and I do yoga) and had nothing planned for dinner. I ended up just cooking some Healthy Harvest noodles with feta. It was tasty and didn't make me sickly full.

In other news, I read an article yesterday about how Americans don't get enough fiber. So, I'm on a mission to start getting 30+ gm of fiber a day (then to increase). Now, since I really do not like veggies, it'll be a slow process. In the mean time, I'm taking fiber supplements. It also has calcium and vitamin C.. and tastes gross... so I'll be more inclined to get my fiber naturally. Nothing like grossness to beat you into submission.

Have I mentioned my pants are too big? They're not so bad for things like walking or sitting or standing.. but when I go up and down the stairs at work, they start to fall. This is great because.. well.. who doesn't like when they're pants get too big. But it sucks because I don't have pants one size down.. so I have to wait until they're WAY too big before I can adjust.

And that's all I have for now.

M

Monday, March 8, 2010

The conflict of body and mind...

My mind needed this morning's work out. My body did not want it at all.

My alarm went off at 5:15- as it does every morning. Usually, I hit snooze or off and sleep for an additional 15-30 minutes. This morning, J started talking. He told me about a dream he had (which happens often), then started asking if I was going to the gym (yes! later!), then... started reading me his emails (from like Amazon). I wanted to roll over and rip his head off. That's when I knew that whatever else happened today.. I had to go to the gym.

So, I'm at the gym after a cranky start to my morning. I'm running (day 1 week 2 of c25k) and doing weights. The sun is shining into the gym and i'm tired and want to curl up and go back to bed. Once I finished, I do my thing, get dressed, and leave. While walking to my car I felt like I was going to yack. I knew then and there that going to the gym this morning was a bad idea.

I'm happy I went since I did not go to the gym this weekend, and I'm happy I started my second week of c25k, but I really REALLY could have used an extra half hour of sleep. I hope this mood subsides.. and if I don't feel well by the end of the day, I may have to skip yoga.. I hope I don't.. but, well.. I still feel icky.

M

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Saturday!!

I'm sitting at my mom's house watching what can only be described as a modern day Monkees. Truth be told, I love tween TV (iCarly FTW!).

After a super crabby day yesterday, L and I went to the gym so I could finish my first week of c25k and she could try her first day. I'm so glad I went. I felt 100 times better! I was able to ease my guilt over eating buffalo chicken and a cupcake and even not be hungry the rest of the night (and not dip too much into my WPAs). It's really amazing what exercise can do for you.. and I need to stop trying to skip any days during the week.

We're going to be doing yoga at work on Wednesdays and Fridays. Coupled with Monday night yoga.. I'm pretty stoked about this.

What else? Oh! It's GORGEOUS out! Like seriously amazing. 54 degrees and sunny.. I'm so ready for spring. I think tomorrow I'll go to the park and go for a walk/run. I'm very excited.

Ok, enough of this. I'm going to finish drinking my unsweetened iced tea and enjoy my day. Sushi tonight!!!

M

Friday, March 5, 2010

Feelings and stuff...

I feel unfulfilled. I don't know what is making me feel this way. Maybe I'm just itching for spring/summer, but I'm finding myself bored with social media and wanting to actually BE with people.

I'm also kinda disappointed with J. He used to do the Wii Active with me (not with me with me.. but on the same days as me), then I started working and stopped doing it and he has since stopped. I joined a gym and have been doing all sorts of things.. and he has stopped all exercise (save for popping on the pull up bar every once in a while). I mean, I know he's busy at work and has some things he wants to do at home, but I really liked being able to talk to him about it and compare notes. Now, I just tell him things and he listens. Sometimes he seems like he cares.. other times not so much.

I'm also SO ready for my mom to come home. I don't like having to go down there on the weekends. I know I offered.. and I'd do it again (I totally understand).. but it's over an hour away from my job. Also.. come Sunday and Monday, i really feel like I don't have a home. I guess it's because I was living there for a while and it never really felt like home.. then I moved in with J and it doesn't really feel like home.. it all kinda melds together and I feel lost.

I'm just blah today. I think it has to do with my weigh in this morning. I had a loss that wasn't nearly as big as it was supposed to be. Then I re-weighed and it was where I knew it should be. Now I'm down over 15 pounds but I hate the scale in the bathroom. It changes all the time and i can't handle that inconsistency.

Oh well. I'm going to go back to work and wish this day away.

M

Thursday, March 4, 2010

11 miles.. I've never 11 milesed anything..

The watching a TV show on my iPod idea was brilliant! The girl that confessed last week that she doesn't work hard enough at the gym rode the bike for 50 minutes today! I felt great! I did level 7 with a few minutes at level 10. When I got up, my shirt was covered in sweat. That made me feel great!

My intention was to have a rest day today. We're going to do some yoga here at work this afternoon, and I was so tired yesterday.. I really felt I needed it. Then, I woke up at 5something feeling great and perky. I contemplated just sleeping and J was even encouraging it. But I didn't want to waste how I was feeling! I'm so glad I didn't.

I can't get enough food today, though! I had a breakfast sandwich and a banana.. and I could seriously go for.. I don't know.. EVERYTHING at the moment. I hope this passes soon.

I can't believe how far I've come in such a short time. I never would have done 50 minutes on a bike and now I don't mind it! It's really encouraging. Plus I'm inspiring people! L woke up late and decided to just lazy her morning away.. then thought about me and what I would do and she got up and walked a few miles. Me? An inspiration? I dunno. It's weird.. but it definitely makes me want to keep going...

But now I have to work. Real serious work.

M

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Priorities

More often than not, my blogs are starting out with me describing how I had to convince myself to get up and go to the gym. Mind you, it's not that I really have to convince myself to go to the gym.. it's really convincing myself to wake up for the day. I find I have the same problem even when I don't intend to go to the gym.

That being said, I had a hard time getting up today. I've been skipping Wednesdays because I'm up so late watching Lost and the weather sucks and I wanna sleep. Today, I managed to convince myself that I'll probably skip tomorrow because of weather/tired and I should get up and go. So I did. Day 2 of c25k and it was easier than last time.. almost enjoyable!

When I got home, the following exchange took place on twitter:
psykochatter: Work is optional, right? Need.sleep.
iTwon: @psykochatter no, but the gym is
psykochatter: @iTwon no! The gym is NOT optional! Once I make the gym optional, I might as well order a few pizzas with a side of chinese and watch tv!

Admittedly, that sounds wonderful. Mmm, I could go for Chinese right now. *ahem* Not the point, Megan. Focus. This exchange got me thinking about how exercise has to be non negotiable. This is a hard thing to get your head around if you're going from a pretty sedentary lifestyle.. believe me, I know! But look at the things that we make non negotiable in our life: eating, sleeping, brushing our teeth, showering. These are all things we do for our health, to live, and to keep our sanity. Then there are the things we think are non negotiable.. but really aren't: watching Lost, dessert, going online, speeding. Finally, we have those things that should be non negotiable, but all too often they are skipped or forgotten: exercise, vegetables, quiet time, enough sleep.

It's when we start moving things around that our lives and our health really start falling into place. I have goals- weight goals and physical goals. The only way I'm going to reach these is by making sure I give exercise the importance it deserves. Now, I am fortunate enough to really enjoy exercise, so once I'm out of bed and out the door, the rest is easy. But what about people that don't like to exercise?

Well, I didn't get in the predicament I'm in by exercising. I know what it's like to rather sit and watch TV... to want to relax.. to want to hang out with friends. I think it's a matter of finding something that you want to accomplish. Like, I've always wanted to be a runner. I've wanted to be one of those people that can just take off to clear my head. Be able to exercise any time, anywhere. The problem was always that I hated being bad at things.. and I was bad at being in shape. Sure, I could walk the sh*t out of anything, but there's something about people that run that I've always admired. I wanted to go from lazy to marathon with no effort. Let me tell you- that didn't work.

The other thing is to find something you enjoy- be it a DVD, Wii, the gym, walking, skating, etc. SOMETHING! There are ladies I know that love love love the elliptical. I hate it. I can't stand it. I can't control my speed, I get bored, it's just not for me. The treadmill, however, I like. I can adjust the speed if necessary, I can convert walking or running on it to the real world, they're not always full (*bonus!), and I just find I have more options with it.

I don't know. I just think there is *something* for everyone... it's just a matter of finding it. This is just what was on my mind today, and a change in attitude me thinks. I suppose we'll see.

My knees ache. Remind me to take some aleve tonight.

Until next time..
M

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

I'm only 28...

I did not sleep well last night. I dismissed every one of my alarms the second it made a peep- not even snooze.. just off. At 5:50, my eyes opened and I flung myself out of bed. I got dressed, then begged J to let me sleep. Like a good boyfriend, he did not.

I got to the gym, sat on the stationary bike with iPod in hand, and watched Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog. When it ended, I popped off the bike drenched in sweat and 9 miles from where I started. I feel great! Still mad tired. My abs are sore (which is a feeling I love!) and my bum bum hurts for the bike.

Sometimes I really do feel older than I am. I know that 28 is still young and have all kinds of time ahead of me, but sometimes I just feel like I've wasted my entire life and there's no getting it back! When I get in these funks, I have to remind myself that in 28 years, i'll still be younger than my mother is now.. and she is active and successful. It's hard sometimes. You grow up with these dreams of where you'll be at 28- married, career, children... and end up living with your boyfriend, childless, and working as a receptionist trying to wish your day away.

But I have this- my quest to make my 30s better than my 20s. My quest to live a long and healthy life. My quest to set a goal and reach it.. to be an inspiration to myself and others. To teach my future children how to have a healthy lifestyle.. by example.

Every day, I feel more and more confident that I will reach my goal. Every day, I look forward to the next.

And I really do love working out...

M

Monday, March 1, 2010

Successful weekend! Successful Monday!

3 days I went without even a lick of exercise (aside from the 3.5 pushups and 10 or so sit ups J challenged me to do yesterday). I could feel it! I was itching for some action! I tried some pilates yesterday, but my bum bum was hurting! [A little over a year ago I was snow blowing and slipped on a patch of ice right on my bum. Everything went white and I screamed. I fell. I cracked my tail bone and was in pain for months. Even now, if I sit too long at the movies or a sporting event it hurts. So, going forward, calling my bum bum is not me being cute.. it's bum (like broken) bum (like bottom).] So, this morning, I planned on restarting my c25k (the coolrunnings.com version) but did not want to get out of bed! Knowing this would happen, I enlisted J in helping me get up! It worked and I got to the gym (thank god!).

I promised myself I would finish it- no matter how hard. So, per the instructions, I did a 10 (ok, 6) minute warm up walk, then ran for 60 seconds followed by a walk for 90 seconds.. continuing for 20 minutes. There were bursts where I wanted to stop. I thought "I have the hang of this, I can go to the machines now." But the bitchy controlling side of me said, "NO! You promised you'd finish this. You have no problem running in 1 minute bursts. Stop being a p*ssy and RUN!" And when I finished my last burst of running, I had a huge smile on my face!

My face was red and I was sweaty, but I wasn't panting and I had finished! It was also the most cardio I've done at the gym. I just hate cardio so much! I need to change that mindset. But that's for another day.

Yoga tonight!!

I have officially fallen off the Red Bull wagon. I just like the taste! I'll work on it, though. On Saturday night, T walked in and saw a can of red bull and made fun of me for it. I then showed him the other can.. which he had not seen. Good times.

The good news is that I ate SO FREAKIN' WELL this weekend! That was a hurdle I really wanted to make sure I leaped over and I did! I'm really glad I didn't binge. It makes me feel very good!

And I think that's about it. I want to write about my strange sense of age. Maybe I'll do that later *shrug*.

Until next time...
M

Friday, February 26, 2010

Me again..

Confession: I don't work hard enough when I exercise. My morning exercise routine consists of 10-15 minutes of cardio at best. I want to get to the point where I'm doing 30-60 minutes of cardio. I know that sounds like a lot, but I want to run, so 60 minutes once or twice a week wouldn't be too bad. Now, even though I do the mini cardio, I do weight training. That generally lasts 20-30 minutes. Ideally, I should be circuit training and doing some cardio in between machines and at the end.

See? I know what I'm supposed to do.. i'm just not doing it! I'm going to formulate a plan this weekend and tackle it head on starting Monday! I know the machines, so I can make a check list. They also have a 30 minute circuit training area I could utilize. We'll see. I'm also thinking that instead of random music on the iPod, I could do a TV show or podcast while I'm on the treadmill or bike to pass the time. I think this is a fantastic idea, but it might end up costing me some $$, so maybe I'll have J rip some shows onto the puter for me.

So, that's what we have. This weekend, I'm going to figure it all out then DO IT all next week. I'll let you know how it's going!

Ok, I promise no more posts today.

Until next time..
M

88 Weeks... 8 is a lucky number...

Things I've learned this week:
- Pizza and Chinese food will not get you skinny.
- I need my morning work out if I'm going to kick this Red Bull Habit.
- I have to stretch before and after my work outs.
- I'm not addicted to chocolate!

So, the terrible eating (including last night's Chinese) resulted in a 0.8 gain. Boo Hiss! To tell you the truth, I'm glad I gained. I ate like crap this past week and it will help to remind me that I really can't do that.

I also skipped my work out this morning. I felt that my body needed the rest. My shins feel better today. I'll take a walk this weekend and make sure, but I should be back in action for my Monday morning workout.

And! I haven't had even a lick of chocolate since the 17th which makes for a happy Megan! Despite the fact that people have handed me brownies and fudge and cookies! I just thank them and toss them. I'm proud of myself!

So, I have a plan for this week. Aside from the Red Bull I'm drinking right now, no Red Bull this week. Stretch before every work out. No crazy eating! (This includes the weekends.. when I use all of my WPAs) I'd actually like to not spend any of my extra points this week. Start over with the [official] c25k.

I think the interval training for th c25k with help me better than the straight time training. I was able to get to up to 3.5 minutes, but not much more.. then my shins exploded. So, since i'm at the early stage of the training, I've decided to start over and do it right.

Speaking of my shins.. after a trip upstairs, they still hurt.

I'm going to conquer this. I'm going to be fit and fun and healthy. I'm going to not crave greasy foods and laziness. I have 88 weeks to do it. Today, I'll be 100% OP. One day at a time.

Until next time...
M

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Grumblecakes...

I'm throwing myself a pity party and everyone is invited.

Last night, I tried to go to the gym after work, but it was packed. Instead, I decided to run/walk the half mile loop near my house. I'm not used to running outside and I think I went too fast. I came home out of breath and almost wheezing (it's terrible because I did mostly walking) after 1 loop (.6 miles) and 9 minutes.

This morning, I fought with myself about whether or not I would go to the gym. It was decided that I would since I skipped it yesterday and won't go on the weekend. So, I pop on the treadmill and walk for 5 minutes so I can start my c25k. I noticed that I wasn't really loosening up the way I should be and I was having a little bit of pain in my left calf. I shrugged it off and started my 4-5 minute run. After about 90 seconds I jumped off the treadmill. Shin splints. They killed. I brought the treadmill down to a walk, but it just hurt too much. So i got off and started my legs. I was able to do most of the exercises (except for the one where the bar rubbed against my shin), but I felt like poop.

So my leg hurts even when walking up and down the stairs at work. *complain*complain*complain* I even am feeling very defeated on the weight loss thing. It's harder to lose now than when I was younger and that's making me feel old.

On the upside, I made a delicious salad last night for dinner. It was inspired by a salad I had at Ruby Tuesdays a couple of weeks ago. Baby spinach, tomatoes, cucumbers, carrots, bean sprouts, and salmon with a ginger sesame dressing. Yum! J was a little apprehensive at the idea of our salad for dinner (neither of us are big salad fans), but he loved it! He even finished mine when I couldn't. We may start doing one salad a week.

My project for the weekend is to be motivated and healthy! I think if I can get through Friday, Saturday, and Sunday without pigging out and being lethargic I will feel better about everything next week (and going forward!) and possibly hit that -15 mark I had hoped to hit this week.

Until next time...
M

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Finding the good in the bad...

I knew it was going to be a bad idea. I did it anyway. Isn't that just the tag line for every mistake in your life? I wouldn't go as far as to say that this is one of my life's big mistakes, but it sure feels like it at the moment.

I went to the Chinese Buffet with co-workers for lunch. It was very good, but it was at a rinky dink little place, so the healthy options were non-existent. I tried to be good, but I hate veggies, so all I had was meat and sauce and some white rice. But with this journey, I'm trying not to focus on the negative.. so my big accomplishments:
1. Not going back for more crab rangoon (I totally would have.. they were crazy good!)
2. Only having 3 chicken fingers (usually my Chinese food of choice. Sad, I know.)
3. When they brought out General Tso's Chicken (a favorite!) at the end of my meal, I did not.. i repeat did not have any.

So, I'll probably see a gain on Friday, but I'm okay with that. I really want to lose the weight for good and the idea of never splurging on food is not realistic. But I have a plan to work out tonight (I totally slept in this morning) be it at the gym or a dvd at home.

Now, because of my Chinese food belly, I stopped and got a red bull so I would not be too sleepy for the remainder of my work day. But it's smaller than usual... and it was strategic!

But now I have work to do.. so, until next time..
M

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

I woke up this morning not wanting to go to the gym. I wanted to curl up and sleep for another hour and a half! However, with the impending rain/snow that is sure to plague the remainder of the week, I figured I should get up and do it in case I choose to "call out" later in the week.

I really wanted to rock it out at the gym today. I wanted to run/walk then really work my arms hard. Unfortunately, I left my iPod at home and.. well, hate cardio. So, I walked for 7 minutes and ran for a minute and a half. Pretty terrible, right? I did work my arms, but I felt like I didn't work them hard enough. I'll have to make up for that tomorrow.

It's not all bad- I did 2 hours of exercise yesterday which was nice. I went to my first yoga class and it felt wonderful! Even though I can't bend that way, I think I'm hooked!

Speaking of hooked, I've decided to break-up with Sugar Free Red Bull. It's too expensive and I've been drinking WAY too much of it. I'm not hooked on caffeine (says the girl that has had 56 oz of tea.. what can I say? I LOVE tea!) and I haven't even really needed it.

My ultimate goal is to get away from most processed food. My first step (which I'm taking baby steps with) is to step away from aspartame. I want to do some research and find out why so many people think it's so bad. In my quick search yesterday, I didn't find much negative. Admittedly, I only looked at wikipedia.

So that's about it. A break-up took place, a new love affair started, and I sucked it up at the gym this morning.

Until next time...
M

Monday, February 22, 2010

My eating this weekend can be summed up in one word: Pizza. It's terrible and I feel terrible about it. I'm going to break up with pizza for a while.

Despite my terrible eating, I do have some great NSVs! On Saturday, despite immense pain, I went for a walk. I would have gone to the gym, but it's a different from my normal gym and really looked scuzzy (and crowded!). It felt good to get out even though I woke up not wanting to move. Yesterday, I had decided I needed a real rest day, so that's what I did. But I'll tell you what... I really wanted to exercise.

Today was my favorite one. Right now, I'm starting week 2 of a couch to 5 k program. It's not the standard one that most people follow ('cause I couldn't get to it at work), but it had me walking for 5 minutes to warm up, then running for 3 minutes, then walking for 5 minutes. The 3 minute run started out kinda struggly (totally a word!). I kept looking at the time and at 2.5 minutes thought "I can stop here." Then that voice inside me said, "F*** you Megan! Just man up and run!" So I finished the 3 minutes. When the time went to 3 minutes 1 second.. I wanted to keep going! I ran an extra 30 seconds.. but chose to stop in an effort to follow the program (I'm so terrible at following directions!)

So those were exciting for me! In about 30 minutes, I'll be taking my half hour lunch break as a walk with L. I'm really looking forward to it. It's beautiful out! Then tonight will be my first (of hopefully many) yoga class.

I love being active! I always have. Once I start exercising I really do love it.. I'm not one of those people that hates it which makes me so very happy! J even said that he would gladly run with me (but not in the gym).. so once I complete my c25k, I'll take him up on that!

By the way, for those of you not in the know, NSV means non scale victory! It'll be a common term here and I will be celebrating them regularly!!!

Until next time..
M

Friday, February 19, 2010

A day of accomplishments!

I stared into the face of temptation and walked away.

There was a lot of talk about cake today.. so much so I was getting frustrated! Then, someone convinced me to go to the bakery and split a cupcake. Oh how I love cupcakes. I know it's the same as cake, but I love them more! So, we drive to a local bakery and walk in. This place was beautiful! (Well, the food was anyway) I found my cupcake and mentally declared it mine! Both of us wanted to be good, so we flipped a coin. Tails = cupcake; Heads = be good. Best 2 out of three (you have to decide that first!) Flip one: tails. My breath catches in my chest and the excitement was mounting! "YES!" I thought, "this cupcake is as good as mine!"
Flip two: heads. I could feel the sadness on my face. I wanted that cupcake!!
Flip three: I covered it with my hands and looked at my companion. I knew what *I* wanted it to be. I lifted the hand... heads. She accepted the decision gratefully, I accepted it woefully. We walked out.

Once the cupcake was out of view, I was relieved that it was not what was intended for us. I was full from my lunch and didn't even crave sweets! I think part of me was just happy that we got out instead doing our 1.5 mile trek around the building. Though I know I need it and should have done it, my body hurts today!

I went to the gym this morning and did 10 minutes of walk/run, then moved on to arms. Where I usually slack, I excelled today. In 30 minutes I worked my arms harder than I have in a while. Because of this, I am fatigued today! I think it's best that I took it easy so I can really kick my butt tomorrow- that's my plan anyway.

I'll end this with just one last note: my weigh-in had me down 1.2 pounds this week bringing my total to -13.4 I'm right on target!

Thursday, February 18, 2010

89 Weeks...

I have 89 weeks until I turn 30. I have 89 weeks to lose way too much weight. I have 89 weeks to be the person I want to be in my 30's.

The idea behind this blog is going to be to log my journey to 30. Mainly, I want to lose weight, get in shape, and enter my 30's the woman I know I am and can be! Here is my list of goals.

-Weight at or around 130lbs

-Be a runner

-Wear a single digit size (kinda gets coupled with the weight)

-Give away all my fat clothes

-Climb a rockwall

-Go skydiving

-Be able to do 100 pushups

-Not analyze wherever I am to figure out if I'm the fattest person there

-Not worry so much about what other people think

-Allow Jonathan to carry me

-Wear belts

-Wear sexy shoes more often!

-Wear sexy underwear and feel great in them!

-NEVER GAIN THIS WEIGHT BACK!!!!!

I'll be chronicling much of my journey to reaching these goals.. but I'll be starting that tomorrow.