They say patience is a virtue. It's something I've never been very good at. In recent days/weeks/months, I have tried to become more centered. The wedding is challenging my attempts, but I'm still working through it.
Every once in a while, I send J a request via email for help with the wedding. Often times, his answer is "I don't know" or "remind me later." Earlier this week, I asked him for email addresses. He directed me to his mother and ended it there. I had a moment of infuriation. Did his mom have his friends' email addresses? I think not! So, I replied with a very snarky email. Without a response, I wrote back apologizing for my frustration and explaining my point of view. I felt a bit better.
Another example is my driving. Oh, my driving. I speed. I know I do it and I know I should not. I also get impatient with people on the road (but I am not a honker.) The other morning, L and I went to Dunkin Donuts. There was a guy in an SUV that was blocking my way into the parking lot. There were plenty of spaces he just was either not going into one, or waiting for some lady to pull out. I got frustrated. I couldn't go around him- I couldn't even back out. I honked once. I felt frustrated and mean. When he finally pulled into a spot, I pulled into one that had been open the whole time (right in front of the door). We go in, order our tea, and wait. The guy came in and ordered his stuff. The guy looked genuinely nice. He spoke very kindly to the girls behind the counter. He looked jolly. I felt terrible. Maybe he wasn't confident that he could fit into spaces.. I just don't know. But this happened on Tuesday morning and I still feel bad. I'm sure he doesn't even remember.
I find myself reminding myself to be more patient when I drive or am waiting. People who are patient are happier and likely live longer lives. I want to be one of those people.
I've been working on it internally. People I work with have always thought me to be perky and happy, but people that know me understand that I get impatient and fidgety. I would like to move the calm, happy, perky person into my personal/private life.
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If it is of any consequence to you, I believe that you have made great strides in the area of calmness and composure. You seem to be much more at peace than you were in younger years. Your overall disposition seems much brighter and you seem much more willing to release the negative and embrace the positive!
ReplyDeleteI sound like a commercial for a "internal cleanse" drink, but you know what I mean.
You really do! Ha!
ReplyDeleteI'm trying hard! I figure cranky doesn't get me anywhere. Who knows.. one day we may be able to play board games together again!