A huge sigh of relief...

Well, after a gazillion days, I finally got back to the gym! I used my new Heart Rate Monitor (HRM) and am hooked!

I had always seen people saying "ooh, I use this fancy HRM so i *really* know how much I burn blah blah blah" (bitter? Maybe.) I always used the WW tools and assumed from there. I have to tell you, being able to see my HR without holding onto anything really kept me in the zone I needed to be in. I was like "oh! I don't want to dip below blah blah blah" and would increase my effort! I really liked ending my workout and knowing that I burned 428 calories as opposed to the 127 the machine estimated.

But I feel great. I had trouble getting to sleep last night, but woke up ready for the day at 5:30. Despite the great flood that is occurring in New England. Tomorrow, I'm going to jump back on the running wagon. It's been so long since I've run, I'm kind of scared. =/

Oh well. I suppose that's all I have to say. I have no idea what I'll be making for dinner tonight. Hope I can figure something out.

Calories for day (so far): 428/500
Calories for challenge (so far): 1528/30000

The one where she feels overwhelmed...

Ugh.. I overslept again this morning. I *really* thought it was 5:45.. but no.. it was 6:45. I have to plug in a loud alarm. I'm going to have to ease back in to my c25k!

Yesterday, J and I met up with L for a "hike". It was more of a long walk- 2 hours or so. Unfortunately, I was running on 2 and a half hours of sleep, so I was just about as miserable as I could be.

Also, I picked up a heart rate monitor this weekend. I'm curious to try it out. I'll fiddle with it tonight and do a workout. I really need to get a workout in. And I WILL wake up on time tomorrow! I have to!

J and I set a date for the wedding- April 30,2011. Now, I still have my goal set for November 3,2011.. but I'm really going to have to kick it up a notch to make sure I have as much weight lost as I can by the wedding date. That gives me a year. If I could lose 50 pounds, I'd be happy! Of course... to keep on track with my November goal, I need to lose 61 pounds by then (average of 1.1 pounds per week. EEEK!). Oh well... I wouldn't mind losing 61 pounds instead of 50.

So that's that. I'm feeling very boring lately. For this, I apologize.
M

The one that is 3.8 pounds less than the other one..

So! I reached the -20 mark! I'm down 3.8 pounds this week!

I'm extremely excited because, well, it's 20 pounds gone! But also, I reached the goal I had set for myself (-20 by the end of March).

So, today was my last weekday of not going to the gym. I really miss my workouts. I have to tell you, though, it's really hard to wake up before 6:30 when it's so dark out!

I've joined a challenge on the message boards to earn 300 activity points by Memorial day. This is pretty much 5/day for 60 days. I *should* be able to do this. Eff that... I WILL do this!

So, here is my plan of action: Do 50 minutes at the gym, a 20 minute walk at lunch, and yoga in the p.m.

Ok.. that's not as daunting as I anticipated. We'll give this one a YAY for being fat!

Alright... now I'm just talking crazy!

Happy weekend all!

"Do this! Don't do that!"

I'm one of the strangest people I know. I can satisfy my my desire for sweets and fatty foods [usually] by just looking at it or smelling it! Here are a couple of examples:

When I went through my last bout of veganism (it happens occasionally for about 6 months or so. I jump to vegan instead of vegetarian because my favorite thing to give up is dairy), I would love to see commercials on TV with pizzas and steaks. T (who was with me on the vagan train) would hate to see them! He would want those things at that moment.. and I saw it more like "ooh, that looks pretty." *shrug* it's kinda weird, I know. That being said, every day at work, I stare at the vending machine for like 5 minutes in the morning and 5 minutes at lunch. I don't know why. I'm not hungry, I don't want anything in there and never get anything.

In my defense, my manager fills it, so it's got some good choices in there and is ever-changing. I like to think that I check it out to scope what I can eat if I get into a food emergency (which is crazy since I have a drawer full of snacks which I never touch). So, yeah... I know that's weird.. but it works for me. Usually I end up craving and splurging on things I don't see regularly- General Gao's chicken (which I'm making on Sunday!) and PB twix. Yum!

Also, I'm impose freakishly stringent and unexplainable rules or limitations on myself. I mean, it makes sense to me.. but you know. Like when I randomly stop eating meat (which, since the last time I did it, I've started to limit my meat intake..) and instead of going vegetarian, I just go vegan in a pretty strict way (which is a lot harder than you think! and why I gave it up last time). I also do things like ban foods I love love love (swiss cake rolls, entimen's chocolate fudge cake) while constantly allowing foods I simply love love (chocolate covered pretzels, cookies).
javascript:void(0)
Usually, I'm really really good at my personally imposed restrictions (no pizza for a month! the chocolate cake only once every 6-12 months!) and sometimes I've failed before I've even started (hello red bull.. I'm lookin' at you!)

Well, my next project (with no start date as of yet) is to decrease my daily sodium intake for a week. I may start that after easter. I don't know how much sodium is in a hollow chocolate bunny.. but I'm eating an entire one on easter day!

The thoughts just keep skipping around..

I have a photo assignment at work today tomorrow. No idea how much I'll be getting paid for it, but I suppose we'll figure that out before I hand over the photos. Note to self.. ask when they need the pics by...

My clock was all messed up this morning- and I felt like I went to bed at 3am (even though it was totally 10:30), so I missed the gym... AGAIN. I figure I'll let myself miss it tomorrow, too and then jump back in on Monday. I know I should just get back to it today, but I don't go to the gym on the weekends.

My pants are huge on me! I feel like they are someone else's pants. Like the owner is 6 and a half feet tall and two sizes wider than me. I think that means that as soon as I get my tax refund, I need new pants. I'm still too big for most of my work pants.. but too small for the few pairs I have. What the hell did I wear while I was growing?

Tomorrow is weigh in. The peak at the scale is showing a loss. It's probably muscle loss from not going to the gym.. but based on the crap-o-la I've been eating.. I'll take it!

The one where he proposes... twice.

I haven't been tracking food since Friday. I haven't exercised since who knows when! I've been a bit under the weather and, well, distracted. Now, I'm back on the wagon. I feel tons better today, though I didn't make it to the gym this a.m. to be on the safe side.

So, when I originally started this blog, it was going to be about my road to 30.. it still is. Instead of just diet, weight loss, and freaking out about my age... it's going to include something I wasn't exactly expecting- freaking out about getting married.

This weekend, in a series of blunders, J proposed. I knew it would happen some day.. I even knew it would be within the year.. but on Sunday, he did it.. accidentally, though it may have been.

Sunday was my father's 79th birthday. He died about 4 years ago, so having it done on his birthday made me very happy.

Anyway, so now I have another reason to get in shape- I don't want to look like a cow in my wedding pictures.

Well, I don't really have anything else to say. I find when I'm not working out.. my content is lacking. At least it's Wednesday!!

The one whe-

My car won't start.

The one where she over sleeps..

When I started this journey, I decided to change my life. I knew that to get it to work, I was going to have to change a lot- diet, exercise, food preferences, and state of mind. Well, with the exception of the occasional hiccup, I have the food part down. I'm even starting to eat more veggies more often! As expressed in my last post.. I pretty much have the exercise habit down. Surprisingly enough, the change I have to get used to the most is my state of mind.

I missed the gym this morning. I slept until 6:45 by missing the alarms.. all 3 of them. Now, my initial reaction was guilt. "I can't believe I didn't go to the gym! No matter what time I get home tonight, I HAVE to go to the gym tomorrow morning!" Then, I felt my body. It wasn't sore, but it was heavy. Maybe I over slept because I really needed to sleep. So, I took my guilt and put it away. I'm going out tonight and if I get home too late, I'm giving myself a free pass at the gym as to not fall asleep at my desk (though I will TRY to wake up at 5:30).

At the start of the journey, I promised myself that I would listen to my body. I'd eat when I'm hungry, stop when I'm full, stretch when I needed it, and rest when my body asked for it. It's been a hard concept to wrap my head around. I found myself eating a second helping of chicken last night because I hadn't eaten enough throughout the day and I was hungry.

I've never really cared about myself enough and always burned myself out. This "listening to my body" thing is an effort to keep that from happening. So far? It's working wonders! It keeps me waking up every morning at 5:30 and stops me from ordering junk food every day or week. Knowing I can have anything I want when I really want it.. knowing I can take a day off if I feel I really need it.. it's just so.. I don't know.. liberating?

Today is St. Patrick's Day. Usually this means wearing some form of green- or it did before I got my shamrock tattoo 8 (holy crap!!) years ago. Now I look for something green (I figured as into St. Patty's Day as everyone here is.. they didn't want me wearing my Drunkasaurus green T), deciding on all black.. then flashing my tattoo when confronted. Awesome.

Wow.. THAT certainly wasn't the point. The point is that my work is having an event. The owner of the company is providing food- corned beef and cabbage (bleck!) and desserts (YAY!) for everyone. I'm going to have to balance out what I eat, but dammit! I want cake!!

Alright.. I'm all scatterbrained.. I'll end this here. Henry Rollins tonight!! I'm super stoked!!

M

The one in which she rambles about exercise

I feel lucky to enjoy my gym routine. Granted, there is the occasional day where dragging myself out of bed is the last thing I want to go. Usually, that goes away once I'm up. Every once in a while, I have a day like yesterday. I did not want to go to the gym. I did not want to get out of my car once I was there. I did not want to get on the treadmill. I did not want to lift weights. This very much hindered my work out, but I still did it. By the end, I was ecstatic.

This morning was different. I had a goal: c25k week 3 day 1 and 40+ minutes of the bike. So, I walked into the gym and hopped on the tread mill. 5 minute warm up, then 90 seconds of running followed by 90 seconds of walking. Easy. Now for the new thing- 3 minutes of running followed by 3 minutes of walking. Yikes! But I've been building up to this.. no biggie. 90 seconds of running- 90 seconds of walking. Not as easy as the first time.. but better than the 3 minutes! Then, my last burst: 3 minutes of running and 3 minutes of walking. This was harder. Once the first minute came down, I was very much "I CAN DO THIS!".. then the first second after the first minute and I thought, "well, I did skip the last day of week 2.. maybe I should just stop after 90 seconds." Needless to say, I did not. I have to tell you.. it felt great! I was breathing harder and sweating.. but at the end, I wasn't panting and I felt accomplished!

Next, I moved onto the bike. Almost the same story.. at 10 minutes, I told myself I'd stop at 15. At 15- 20. At 20- 30. Once I got to 30 minutes, I knew I had to finish the last 12-13 minutes I had left of the show I was watching. I popped off (covered in sweat), cleaned up, then off i went to work.

I did over an hour of cardio today. This is big for me. I didn't push myself as hard on the bike as I usually do.. but it was level 7 or 8 (I don't remember) and when I would notice myself slacking.. I would pick it up!

Boring boring exercise talk.. I know.. but I read an article today that totally made sense and I figured I'd share. It's about learning to love exercise as a way to a lifestyle change. i really do think that if you're going to go from sedentary to active, you need to start with something you very much enjoy.

Back when I first started exercise, I just popped on the treadmill for 20 minutes and called it a day. I like to walk- always have.. and this was a good segue for me. We got a personal trainer and he showed me the machines that had intimidated me. Well, once I realized how great THAT was, my warm up was the treadmill followed by trying to beat my previous score on weights. It works for me. I'm taking the same approach to running. Being able to see my improvement does amazing things for me. Being able to push myself just a little harder when I don't think I can.. and then succeeding... well.. it's just amazing.

I created a list of goals that I want to post here. I'm pretty open with my weight and it will be up here, but I'm scared that J will start reading this that day.. and I'm just not ready to share the number with him. Though I don't think he would care... part of me just isn't sure. =/

Anyway.. that's all I really wanted to talk about today. Hope I didn't ramble too much...

M

Adjusting the attitude...

Well, I went to the gym this morning. I didn't do much cardio as I left my ipod in my car, but I did do weights. I didn't want to go. I wanted to sleep. I wanted it to be Sunday so I could NOT go to work. It's been raining for days and it's very much a curl up in bed kind of day.

The only exercise I got all weekend was shoveling food into my mouth. I didn't even WANT have the stuff I ate.. I just ate it. I have no one to blame but myself. Now it's time to move on.

I'm using the rain as an excuse not to go to yoga tonight. My driveway floods pretty bad and I'd like to get home while it's light out (instead of 9pm).

I feel like I'm in a limbo right now. I have this goal of losing weight and getting fit, but I keep sabotaging myself. Every week that passes is one less week I have to hit goal. I know I'm making progress- I can feel it in my body.. but the part of me that wants instant satisfaction is feeling defeated. I have a fairly good support system.. but the people that are working with me have nowhere near as much weight to lose as I do. I find myself jealous. J says "wow, 17 pounds! Do you know how amazing that is? If *I* lost 17 pounds I'd be where I want to be!" Oh those words make me want to punch him in the neck. I lost 17 pounds and am just above where I was the last time I lost a good amount of weight. I feel like I'm just starting now.. but I won't get that wonderful week one weight loss.

I just have to keep plugging along. I have to keep being positive and knowing that I am doing things that are good for me.

So, here is my plan of action:
Tonight, I'm going to get all of my stuff together for tomorrow.
Tomorrow, I'm going to wake up early and get to the gym. I'm going to do my c25k followed by my 40 minutes on the bike. That'll be just over 60 minutes of cardio.
Wednesday, I'll go to the gym and do my c25k and weights.
Thursday (depending on when I get home on Wednesday night) I'll hit the gym with 40 or so minutes on the bike.
Friday, I'll hit c25k and weights again.
Saturday AND Sunday, I will work out. It's supposed to be nice this weekend, so maybe I'll hit the park and try my hand at some outside running.

I have to change my attitude today. When I was at the gym this morning, I was crabby for most of my work out.. then I heard my power song. You know that song that makes you say "crap! I need to change" or "I can do this!" As I heard that song playing (Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield), I started to rethink by crabitude (totally a word).

Feel the rain on your skin. No one else can feel it for you..

Only I can lose this weight. Only I can get healthy. Only I can make myself a runner. Only I can make healthy food choices for myself...

Only I can do this. And I WILL do this.

86 weeks.....

It's amazing the power that a tag in a pair of pants can have. Aside from the fact that said tag is itching the crapola out of me today, it has a number that is mathematically 4 less than the number that was on the pair of pants I wore on Monday. Now, these pants are a little stretchy, so I'm probably down only one size rather than 2.. but it's still an amazing feeling!

Tonight, J is finally cashing in his birthday present from me. We're going to see Garrison Keillor in Providence. I'm really looking forward to it! I can't help but wonder if J and I will be the youngest willing attendees.

You know, my love for NPR is one of those things that makes me feel way older than I am. It's basically the only thing I listen to in the car. Of course, that feeling of oldness is countered by things like my iCarly fandom and wanting a bounce house at my wedding.

These are the things on my mind this morning. Tomorrow morning I shall complete my second week of couch to 5k and prepare for my second to last weekend at my Mom's. From here, I'll leave you with a quote that was on a blog that I read yesterday that I really liked (I run-on sentence like a master!!):

"He who argues for his limitations gets to keep them." ~Richard Bach

M

The small of it all..

A few years ago, I read something about how to tell what size frame you have. I don't remember it except that it had something to do with measuring your elbow and that I have a small frame. When I discovered this, it floored me! It probably shouldn't have since my mom's side of the family is all very small, but since I have been overweight for as long as I can remember.. I was surprised. (I guess since I have never SEEN the small frame) So, I found another one yesterday and remeasured myself. Sure enough, my frame is small. This time, however, it encouraged me! Instead of being surprised, I'm excited to see my frame. I'll never be stick thin, but I'll be able to see myself as small.

I'm taking steps in the journey to become and active athletic woman. Instead of sticking with the same old exercises that I've always done, I'm challenging myself to be more! I'm almost done with week 2 of c25k and I feel great. I know I have a long way to go before I go out running for miles and miles.. but I know I can do it! These self challenges are really paying off. I'm losing pounds at a slower rate than I have in the past.. but the physical transformation seems to be occurring faster- and I love it!

So, Jules over at The Bosky Blog is running a points based contest.. and since I'm really bad at communication do not intend on winning.. but I figured I'd give her a shout out anyway. Her blog always inspires me to run. I read about her challenges and her love. Her injuries and her successes. And most importantly... her dog! So, if you're ever wondering what makes me want to keep running.. it's that blog.

Enough of that mushy stuff.. I have actual work to do today (including avoiding the Wednesday Chinese Buffet Event).

Until Next Time..
M

Fiberlicious!!

Yesterday, I felt like poo. This morning, I feel great! I really need to start balancing out my sleep. Going to bed as early as I did last night (asleep by 9:30) really made the difference. Today, I am awake and energized and ready!

I did my 43 minutes on the bike this morning. Just enough time to watch Psych on my iPod. I have to tell you.. I've really started to look forward to these workouts! It's great as an "off day" kind of thing.. no weights.. no running, plus I get to catch up on TV!

So, I resisted the urge to grab Chinese on my way home last night. Both J and I were home unexpectedly (he does poker on Mondays and I do yoga) and had nothing planned for dinner. I ended up just cooking some Healthy Harvest noodles with feta. It was tasty and didn't make me sickly full.

In other news, I read an article yesterday about how Americans don't get enough fiber. So, I'm on a mission to start getting 30+ gm of fiber a day (then to increase). Now, since I really do not like veggies, it'll be a slow process. In the mean time, I'm taking fiber supplements. It also has calcium and vitamin C.. and tastes gross... so I'll be more inclined to get my fiber naturally. Nothing like grossness to beat you into submission.

Have I mentioned my pants are too big? They're not so bad for things like walking or sitting or standing.. but when I go up and down the stairs at work, they start to fall. This is great because.. well.. who doesn't like when they're pants get too big. But it sucks because I don't have pants one size down.. so I have to wait until they're WAY too big before I can adjust.

And that's all I have for now.

M

The conflict of body and mind...

My mind needed this morning's work out. My body did not want it at all.

My alarm went off at 5:15- as it does every morning. Usually, I hit snooze or off and sleep for an additional 15-30 minutes. This morning, J started talking. He told me about a dream he had (which happens often), then started asking if I was going to the gym (yes! later!), then... started reading me his emails (from like Amazon). I wanted to roll over and rip his head off. That's when I knew that whatever else happened today.. I had to go to the gym.

So, I'm at the gym after a cranky start to my morning. I'm running (day 1 week 2 of c25k) and doing weights. The sun is shining into the gym and i'm tired and want to curl up and go back to bed. Once I finished, I do my thing, get dressed, and leave. While walking to my car I felt like I was going to yack. I knew then and there that going to the gym this morning was a bad idea.

I'm happy I went since I did not go to the gym this weekend, and I'm happy I started my second week of c25k, but I really REALLY could have used an extra half hour of sleep. I hope this mood subsides.. and if I don't feel well by the end of the day, I may have to skip yoga.. I hope I don't.. but, well.. I still feel icky.

M

Saturday!!

I'm sitting at my mom's house watching what can only be described as a modern day Monkees. Truth be told, I love tween TV (iCarly FTW!).

After a super crabby day yesterday, L and I went to the gym so I could finish my first week of c25k and she could try her first day. I'm so glad I went. I felt 100 times better! I was able to ease my guilt over eating buffalo chicken and a cupcake and even not be hungry the rest of the night (and not dip too much into my WPAs). It's really amazing what exercise can do for you.. and I need to stop trying to skip any days during the week.

We're going to be doing yoga at work on Wednesdays and Fridays. Coupled with Monday night yoga.. I'm pretty stoked about this.

What else? Oh! It's GORGEOUS out! Like seriously amazing. 54 degrees and sunny.. I'm so ready for spring. I think tomorrow I'll go to the park and go for a walk/run. I'm very excited.

Ok, enough of this. I'm going to finish drinking my unsweetened iced tea and enjoy my day. Sushi tonight!!!

M

Feelings and stuff...

I feel unfulfilled. I don't know what is making me feel this way. Maybe I'm just itching for spring/summer, but I'm finding myself bored with social media and wanting to actually BE with people.

I'm also kinda disappointed with J. He used to do the Wii Active with me (not with me with me.. but on the same days as me), then I started working and stopped doing it and he has since stopped. I joined a gym and have been doing all sorts of things.. and he has stopped all exercise (save for popping on the pull up bar every once in a while). I mean, I know he's busy at work and has some things he wants to do at home, but I really liked being able to talk to him about it and compare notes. Now, I just tell him things and he listens. Sometimes he seems like he cares.. other times not so much.

I'm also SO ready for my mom to come home. I don't like having to go down there on the weekends. I know I offered.. and I'd do it again (I totally understand).. but it's over an hour away from my job. Also.. come Sunday and Monday, i really feel like I don't have a home. I guess it's because I was living there for a while and it never really felt like home.. then I moved in with J and it doesn't really feel like home.. it all kinda melds together and I feel lost.

I'm just blah today. I think it has to do with my weigh in this morning. I had a loss that wasn't nearly as big as it was supposed to be. Then I re-weighed and it was where I knew it should be. Now I'm down over 15 pounds but I hate the scale in the bathroom. It changes all the time and i can't handle that inconsistency.

Oh well. I'm going to go back to work and wish this day away.

M

11 miles.. I've never 11 milesed anything..

The watching a TV show on my iPod idea was brilliant! The girl that confessed last week that she doesn't work hard enough at the gym rode the bike for 50 minutes today! I felt great! I did level 7 with a few minutes at level 10. When I got up, my shirt was covered in sweat. That made me feel great!

My intention was to have a rest day today. We're going to do some yoga here at work this afternoon, and I was so tired yesterday.. I really felt I needed it. Then, I woke up at 5something feeling great and perky. I contemplated just sleeping and J was even encouraging it. But I didn't want to waste how I was feeling! I'm so glad I didn't.

I can't get enough food today, though! I had a breakfast sandwich and a banana.. and I could seriously go for.. I don't know.. EVERYTHING at the moment. I hope this passes soon.

I can't believe how far I've come in such a short time. I never would have done 50 minutes on a bike and now I don't mind it! It's really encouraging. Plus I'm inspiring people! L woke up late and decided to just lazy her morning away.. then thought about me and what I would do and she got up and walked a few miles. Me? An inspiration? I dunno. It's weird.. but it definitely makes me want to keep going...

But now I have to work. Real serious work.

M

Priorities

More often than not, my blogs are starting out with me describing how I had to convince myself to get up and go to the gym. Mind you, it's not that I really have to convince myself to go to the gym.. it's really convincing myself to wake up for the day. I find I have the same problem even when I don't intend to go to the gym.

That being said, I had a hard time getting up today. I've been skipping Wednesdays because I'm up so late watching Lost and the weather sucks and I wanna sleep. Today, I managed to convince myself that I'll probably skip tomorrow because of weather/tired and I should get up and go. So I did. Day 2 of c25k and it was easier than last time.. almost enjoyable!

When I got home, the following exchange took place on twitter:
psykochatter: Work is optional, right? Need.sleep.
iTwon: @psykochatter no, but the gym is
psykochatter: @iTwon no! The gym is NOT optional! Once I make the gym optional, I might as well order a few pizzas with a side of chinese and watch tv!

Admittedly, that sounds wonderful. Mmm, I could go for Chinese right now. *ahem* Not the point, Megan. Focus. This exchange got me thinking about how exercise has to be non negotiable. This is a hard thing to get your head around if you're going from a pretty sedentary lifestyle.. believe me, I know! But look at the things that we make non negotiable in our life: eating, sleeping, brushing our teeth, showering. These are all things we do for our health, to live, and to keep our sanity. Then there are the things we think are non negotiable.. but really aren't: watching Lost, dessert, going online, speeding. Finally, we have those things that should be non negotiable, but all too often they are skipped or forgotten: exercise, vegetables, quiet time, enough sleep.

It's when we start moving things around that our lives and our health really start falling into place. I have goals- weight goals and physical goals. The only way I'm going to reach these is by making sure I give exercise the importance it deserves. Now, I am fortunate enough to really enjoy exercise, so once I'm out of bed and out the door, the rest is easy. But what about people that don't like to exercise?

Well, I didn't get in the predicament I'm in by exercising. I know what it's like to rather sit and watch TV... to want to relax.. to want to hang out with friends. I think it's a matter of finding something that you want to accomplish. Like, I've always wanted to be a runner. I've wanted to be one of those people that can just take off to clear my head. Be able to exercise any time, anywhere. The problem was always that I hated being bad at things.. and I was bad at being in shape. Sure, I could walk the sh*t out of anything, but there's something about people that run that I've always admired. I wanted to go from lazy to marathon with no effort. Let me tell you- that didn't work.

The other thing is to find something you enjoy- be it a DVD, Wii, the gym, walking, skating, etc. SOMETHING! There are ladies I know that love love love the elliptical. I hate it. I can't stand it. I can't control my speed, I get bored, it's just not for me. The treadmill, however, I like. I can adjust the speed if necessary, I can convert walking or running on it to the real world, they're not always full (*bonus!), and I just find I have more options with it.

I don't know. I just think there is *something* for everyone... it's just a matter of finding it. This is just what was on my mind today, and a change in attitude me thinks. I suppose we'll see.

My knees ache. Remind me to take some aleve tonight.

Until next time..
M

I'm only 28...

I did not sleep well last night. I dismissed every one of my alarms the second it made a peep- not even snooze.. just off. At 5:50, my eyes opened and I flung myself out of bed. I got dressed, then begged J to let me sleep. Like a good boyfriend, he did not.

I got to the gym, sat on the stationary bike with iPod in hand, and watched Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog. When it ended, I popped off the bike drenched in sweat and 9 miles from where I started. I feel great! Still mad tired. My abs are sore (which is a feeling I love!) and my bum bum hurts for the bike.

Sometimes I really do feel older than I am. I know that 28 is still young and have all kinds of time ahead of me, but sometimes I just feel like I've wasted my entire life and there's no getting it back! When I get in these funks, I have to remind myself that in 28 years, i'll still be younger than my mother is now.. and she is active and successful. It's hard sometimes. You grow up with these dreams of where you'll be at 28- married, career, children... and end up living with your boyfriend, childless, and working as a receptionist trying to wish your day away.

But I have this- my quest to make my 30s better than my 20s. My quest to live a long and healthy life. My quest to set a goal and reach it.. to be an inspiration to myself and others. To teach my future children how to have a healthy lifestyle.. by example.

Every day, I feel more and more confident that I will reach my goal. Every day, I look forward to the next.

And I really do love working out...

M

Successful weekend! Successful Monday!

3 days I went without even a lick of exercise (aside from the 3.5 pushups and 10 or so sit ups J challenged me to do yesterday). I could feel it! I was itching for some action! I tried some pilates yesterday, but my bum bum was hurting! [A little over a year ago I was snow blowing and slipped on a patch of ice right on my bum. Everything went white and I screamed. I fell. I cracked my tail bone and was in pain for months. Even now, if I sit too long at the movies or a sporting event it hurts. So, going forward, calling my bum bum is not me being cute.. it's bum (like broken) bum (like bottom).] So, this morning, I planned on restarting my c25k (the coolrunnings.com version) but did not want to get out of bed! Knowing this would happen, I enlisted J in helping me get up! It worked and I got to the gym (thank god!).

I promised myself I would finish it- no matter how hard. So, per the instructions, I did a 10 (ok, 6) minute warm up walk, then ran for 60 seconds followed by a walk for 90 seconds.. continuing for 20 minutes. There were bursts where I wanted to stop. I thought "I have the hang of this, I can go to the machines now." But the bitchy controlling side of me said, "NO! You promised you'd finish this. You have no problem running in 1 minute bursts. Stop being a p*ssy and RUN!" And when I finished my last burst of running, I had a huge smile on my face!

My face was red and I was sweaty, but I wasn't panting and I had finished! It was also the most cardio I've done at the gym. I just hate cardio so much! I need to change that mindset. But that's for another day.

Yoga tonight!!

I have officially fallen off the Red Bull wagon. I just like the taste! I'll work on it, though. On Saturday night, T walked in and saw a can of red bull and made fun of me for it. I then showed him the other can.. which he had not seen. Good times.

The good news is that I ate SO FREAKIN' WELL this weekend! That was a hurdle I really wanted to make sure I leaped over and I did! I'm really glad I didn't binge. It makes me feel very good!

And I think that's about it. I want to write about my strange sense of age. Maybe I'll do that later *shrug*.

Until next time...
M