Adjusting the attitude...

Well, I went to the gym this morning. I didn't do much cardio as I left my ipod in my car, but I did do weights. I didn't want to go. I wanted to sleep. I wanted it to be Sunday so I could NOT go to work. It's been raining for days and it's very much a curl up in bed kind of day.

The only exercise I got all weekend was shoveling food into my mouth. I didn't even WANT have the stuff I ate.. I just ate it. I have no one to blame but myself. Now it's time to move on.

I'm using the rain as an excuse not to go to yoga tonight. My driveway floods pretty bad and I'd like to get home while it's light out (instead of 9pm).

I feel like I'm in a limbo right now. I have this goal of losing weight and getting fit, but I keep sabotaging myself. Every week that passes is one less week I have to hit goal. I know I'm making progress- I can feel it in my body.. but the part of me that wants instant satisfaction is feeling defeated. I have a fairly good support system.. but the people that are working with me have nowhere near as much weight to lose as I do. I find myself jealous. J says "wow, 17 pounds! Do you know how amazing that is? If *I* lost 17 pounds I'd be where I want to be!" Oh those words make me want to punch him in the neck. I lost 17 pounds and am just above where I was the last time I lost a good amount of weight. I feel like I'm just starting now.. but I won't get that wonderful week one weight loss.

I just have to keep plugging along. I have to keep being positive and knowing that I am doing things that are good for me.

So, here is my plan of action:
Tonight, I'm going to get all of my stuff together for tomorrow.
Tomorrow, I'm going to wake up early and get to the gym. I'm going to do my c25k followed by my 40 minutes on the bike. That'll be just over 60 minutes of cardio.
Wednesday, I'll go to the gym and do my c25k and weights.
Thursday (depending on when I get home on Wednesday night) I'll hit the gym with 40 or so minutes on the bike.
Friday, I'll hit c25k and weights again.
Saturday AND Sunday, I will work out. It's supposed to be nice this weekend, so maybe I'll hit the park and try my hand at some outside running.

I have to change my attitude today. When I was at the gym this morning, I was crabby for most of my work out.. then I heard my power song. You know that song that makes you say "crap! I need to change" or "I can do this!" As I heard that song playing (Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield), I started to rethink by crabitude (totally a word).

Feel the rain on your skin. No one else can feel it for you..

Only I can lose this weight. Only I can get healthy. Only I can make myself a runner. Only I can make healthy food choices for myself...

Only I can do this. And I WILL do this.