The one where she pulls out her soapbox..

Body image. It's an interesting thing. I can feel not good enough, not pretty enough, and find faults in any aspect of myself. I always have. I remember being 16 and weighing 145 pounds. Looking back, I was cute! I was thin! But I always felt like a whale. I always hid in my clothes. Now, at *ahem* not 145 pounds, I still feel that same way.

I try very hard to be comfortable in my own skin. I try not to fat talk, but sometimes it slips out. I focus on how I feel and try not to focus on that number on the scale. Do I wish that number would go down faster? Heck yeah I do! But my ultimate goal is to be healthy.. not skinny. I just wish that was everybody's goal. The world would be a better place for sure.

So, what am I doing? Well, I eat whole foods and limit processed foods as much as I can (currently working on phasing them out completely.. but I'm also trying not to feel deprived at all). I try smiling more! I take small accomplishments- non-scale victories- and enjoy them (my ring feeling looser, my pants falling off, my workout being easier, etc), and I congratulate myself on healthy choices (like when I got roasted potatoes instead of french fries with my veggie burger so I wouldn't nibble on them)

I have a long road ahead of me.. a lifetime of road, to be honest. Even once I get down to a healthy weight and am a champion, this voyage doesn't stop. The days of eating like crap and having movie marathons while barely getting of the couch must be over. I feel better when I'm active and eating right and that is what I must focus on. To get discouraged by the weight is nothing but poison. The more down about it I am, the less I do to change it.. and the more weight I gain. I always feel good when I eat right and always feel craptastic when I don't. These internal cues are ones that cannot be ignored. I must remember them and focus on holding on to them.

Food is fuel. The more I can relate those two.. the better off I'll be.

I meant this blog to take on a more whole world view.. but it focused on my feelings instead.

When I have children... if I have children.. I don't want to contribute to their body issues. To be sure that I can accomplish this, I must be sure that I have overcome my own issues...